March 27, 2025

A Dozen Ways to Minimize Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior is no stranger in most classrooms. Students can be highly skilled in the practices of avoiding responsibility, deflecting blame, and making empty promises. Deep sighs, rolling eyes, blank looks, and sarcasm provide nonverbal clues to this often frustrating and discouraging behavior. Rather than engaging, accepting responsibility, and following through, these students shift their energy toward finding ways to take little or no action, while trying to assign ownership for their behavior to others.

Fortunately, there are several steps we can take and strategies we can use to counter and limit passive aggressive behaviors, but first we need to understand the reasons and needs driving the behavior. What we are seeing may be a desire to avoid conflict, evidence of low self-confidence, or the presence of hostility, anger, or resentment. We may even be seeing evidence of a lack of skills or courage to speak up.

Our knowledge of our students and our relationship with them can often give us clues to the causes of passive-aggressive behavior. We might reflect on recent events that are creating the emotions reflected in a student’s behavior. Of course, we might have a conversation with the student to fill in the gaps in our understanding. When the behavior represents a pattern, we might check with parents and colleagues to gain their perspective and insights. Regardless, if we hope to change the behavior, we need to understand what is causing it.

With this context in mind, here are a dozen steps and strategies we might consider and employ in response to passive-aggressive behavior we experience with students:

Stay calm. Resist allowing frustration to become part of your message. Don’t provide an opening to have your emotions become the focus.
Avoid a public confrontation, if possible. Having a private conversation can avoid having the student grandstand or play to an audience.
Focus on your direction or request, not the student’s reaction. Passive-aggressive behavior is often a ploy to provoke a response.
Stick to what you observe. Start with something like “I noticed a shift in your (body language, facial expression, or another behavior).” If denial is the response, let it go for the moment. Planting a seed can be a start.
Resist making the student’s motive or interpretation the focus. Respond with something like “You seem to be frustrated. Is there something you want to talk about?”
Avoid accusations. Stick to “I” statements such as “I am confused by your promising to do something and then not following through.”
Practice active listening. Avoid interrupting or talking over the student. Focus on what is not said as intently as what is said.
Seek solutions rather than winning. Trying to exert overt pressure or reverting to formal power can result in escalation of the situation. Focusing on the underlying issue or issues is likely to be more productive.
Reinforce positive, responsible behaviors. Teach students to practice accountability and responsibility. Acknowledge and encourage students when they express their emotions constructively and accept responsibility for their decisions.
Create an environment where open communication is valued and protected. Encourage students to be open about their thoughts, concerns, and needs.
Establish consistent behavior expectations. Limits concerning disrespect and other unacceptable behavior can provide important structure to support open communication.
Reach out if you need more support. Administrators and other support staff can often provide important insights, options, and strategies in response to student needs and behaviors.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be challenging since it often feels disrespectful and leaves us frustrated and angry. However, with practice and the right strategies, we can help students to learn and practice behaviors that are more productive for them and less troublesome for us.