Blog

Seven-Step Process for Responding to Angry Parents

The frequency with which educators are confronted with angry parents has increased over the past few years. The trend is not surprising given the uncertainty, fear, and disruption families have experienced during the pandemic. Meanwhile, political forces have, at times, conspired to create doubt and suspicion regarding instructional content and regarding the intentions and strategies employed by educators. These factors can be the source of considerable angst and emotional distress for parents. It follows that much of the emotion, including anger, gets directed at teachers. The prospect of meeting with an angry parent can create significant anxiety. Teachers may not know the source of the anger. They may feel uncertain about how and whether they can respond adequately. Handling the situation successfully will most certainly require a plan. Fortunately, there is a process teachers can employ in these circumstances that can help them navigate emotions, respond to concerns, and move forward. Consider this seven-step approach: First, look at the situation as an opportunity to solve a problem, not as a personal attack. This perspective allows you to avoid taking a defensive position and seeing the situation as “win-lose.” Approach the situation with more objectivity. In some cases, this approach can even enable you to enlist the parent as a partner in finding a solution. Second, listen carefully for understanding, rather than defending or explaining an action. As much as possible, avoid interrupting other than to seek clarification. Allowing the parent to vent can be the first step in moving the situation toward resolution. Equally important, you’re likely to hear information and discover important clues that later can form the foundation of an effective response. Third, focus on the emotions the parent is sharing, rather than responding with logic or additional information. Your understanding and respect for the emotions and empathizing with the distress the parent is feeling can be as crucial to resolving the situation as the ideas you share and commitments you may make. You don’t have to agree with the parent’s perspective to be accepting and respectful of their emotions. Fourth, summarize what you’ve heard to confirm your understanding, rather than correcting or judging what has been said. Your goal is to assure the parent that you’ve been listening to understand, not to prepare a counter argument. Listening is one of the most respectful actions you can take and being listened to can be a powerful dissipater of anger. Fifth, express confidence that you’ll find a solution, even if you don’t yet have a fully formed outcome in mind. This also is the point in the conversation where you might tactfully share additional information, including information that may be counter to the perceptions of the parent. You may point to additional information you need to collect and clarify. Doing so may mean suspending the conversation until you’re able to build a better understanding and develop options for moving forward. However, you need to be specific about the timing and focus of the next steps to avoid giving the impression that you're stalling or avoiding the problem. Sixth, offer multiple potential solutions, rather than choosing a single option to consider. Your choice to contemplate more than one course of action can open the door for the parent to provide input and create greater acceptance of and ownership for the next steps in the process. However, you need to clarify and confirm what will happen next to avoid confusion and avoid undermining the trust you’ve built. Seventh, follow-up with the parent to provide an update on actions taken, share any additional relevant information, and confirm any other commitments you’ve made. This information typically is best communicated in person or via another form of live conversation to avoid any misunderstanding and to reinforce the relationship you’ve built. Dealing with an angry parent may not be a comfortable prospect. But teachers can approach the situation with confidence and optimism if they have a plan to guide them through the emotional context—that communicates respect and responsiveness, and that leads to a thoughtful, responsive, and mutually acceptable outcome.

October 14, 2022

Supporting Parents and Caregivers of Transferring Students

We know that during-the-year school transitions can be difficult for students. They enter an environment where social relationships largely have been established. Routines and expectations are familiar too and may largely be taken for granted by current students. The curriculum is already unfolding and may not be the same as students experienced at their previous school. All these factors argue for us to be attentive to and supportive of students as they enter our school and class mid-year. However, we also need to pay attention to the needs of parents and other caregivers of students who transfer schools during the year. With students experiencing a new social culture and learning what they need to succeed and become a part of their new school, parents and other caregivers, on the other hand, may feel like bystanders. They hope the transition goes well yet know there will be some “rough patches” as the child acclimates to the new environment. But they may not always know what to do. Parents and caregivers may be reluctant to reach out to check on how the transition is going. They may not know how and when to contact us. They may worry their inquiries appear overly protective. On the other hand, they may be concerned that if they wait too long to reach out, problems may develop and become more difficult to address later. Fortunately, by taking a few key steps, we can help parents and other caregivers to support children through school transitions and assist them to begin feeling a part of the school parent and family community. A good place to start is to collect key information - information we shared with families at the beginning of the school year to ensure their children were off to a good start. Parents and caregivers need this information to support their children. It’s also helpful information for families whose children join our school and class during the year. In the first days after a new student arrives, we can reach out to parents and caregivers to welcome them and share any observations we have about the initial experience of their child. We might share ways in which we welcomed their child and the excitement we feel at having their child in our class. Our reaching out also offers an opportunity to inquire about any information we need to know regarding their child, including how they feel about the transition and any support they may need. Letting them know we’ll send information they might find helpful, including schedules, class events, the best ways and times to contact us, and other routine matters, can help put parents and caregivers at ease. Informing them of upcoming parent and caregiver activities and events in which they may be interested creates a more welcoming transition for them, too. This is also an opportunity to schedule a check-in after the first week or so to learn about any emerging needs or concerns. This provides a good time for us to share our observations about how the student is acclimating academically and socially. Sharing a quick story about how their child is engaging, interacting with other students, or adjusting to the new environment can be reassuring and appreciated. Sharing the story helps assure them that we know their child, and we are paying attention. Of course, if emerging concerns or issues arise, we need to address them. The check-in can also provide a context for collecting information and sharing observations. In the weeks following the arrival of a new student, we can continue to pay attention to how the student adapts to class routines and expectations, as well as the development of peer relationships. A quick text or email sharing the student’s progress or describing a positive observation can offer valuable reassurance to parents and caregivers that the transition is going well, and the student has our attention and support. Of course, as time passes, new students naturally become a part of the school and class. Our attention and communication with families become part of the ongoing rhythm and pace of the school year. However, we still need to pay attention to whether parents and caregivers feel connected and included in the school community. The transition for students can be long past before parents and caregivers feel fully welcomed and comfortable in the new environment.

October 06, 2022

Forming and Sustaining Relationships with Families

We dedicated considerable effort at the beginning of the year to ensure families had the information needed to help their children succeed academically. Maybe we held open houses and “meet the teacher” events to introduce ourselves, created good first impressions, and began building relationships with families. We shared information on how families can communicate with us and how we plan to communicate with them. We might think of these and other actions and activities as Phase 1 of forming relationships with families. These important first steps help set the stage for a successful year. However, these connections also occur during the flurried activities signaling the new school year. Consequently, much that we shared and their benefits may soon be forgotten. Our challenge, now that school has started and we’re forming new routines, is to nurture, strengthen, and sustain family relationships we initiated. Relationships thrive on frequent communication and connections. People lean toward greater trust in those with whom they have more contact. We might think of our communication efforts and activities as entering Phase 2. There are many ways to deliver on our promises to parents when school began. Here are nine relationship forming and sustaining actions deserving our time and attention as we establish a rhythm and pace for the year. Continue to be confident and congenial. Parents become attuned to whether teachers are confident in their role. Our poise and enthusiasm send reassuring signals to anxious parents and leave them feeling more confident in us as their child’s teacher. Forming and sustaining strong positive relationships with parents is an easier task when we approach the situation with self-assurance and a positive attitude. Reinforce expectations shared at the beginning of the year. We shared with parents when we are available. We communicated options regarding the best ways to contact us. We urged them to let us know when significant issues and events occur that may disrupt or distract their children. However, this information was likely received with a wealth of other information and expectations. Now is a good time to repeat and reinforce the expectations that parents can have of us and what we need from them. Of course, not all parents will follow through in a manner we prefer, but most parents are conscientious and will respond appropriately. Collect, learn, and use family names. When we know and use names, rapport and relationship building become easier. We need to pay special attention to family names not the same as our students’. Numerous reasons account for last name differences and noticing them can avoid awkward and embarrassing situations. It isn’t necessary to memorize every parent’s name but collecting names and reviewing them makes an important difference when interacting with parents at conferences or meetings. Also, for parents with whom we have frequent interactions, knowing their names is important. Give them something to talk about. Families often feel at loss on how to draw out of their children what they experienced and learned during the school day. Assisting families with brief group texts, email, and other electronic messages with suggestions about how they might talk with their children regarding what they studied, discussed, and accomplished during the day helps families. As a bonus, our messages keep parents informed about what we teach and even stimulate conversations beyond the curriculum. Look for opportunities to share good news. Rarely will parents object when we take time to share good news about their children. A quick text or email will be appreciated. For a more significant impact, consider calling and sharing the news live. Furthermore, should the time come when we must share less positive news about their children, the more likely parents will see our efforts as balanced and objective. Don’t assume. Inquire. If we notice or hear something that needs attention, we must be careful not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. Families can be complex, often facing significant challenges. Rather than starting with a conclusion, we need to tactfully inquire and allow families to inform us as they see fit. Avoid surprises. No one appreciates unpleasant surprises, especially if earlier available information could have been shared. When we see student behavior changes, achievement drops, or other issues emerge, we must communicate with parents early, especially before what we see becomes a set pattern. We may find parents already aware of the situation and willing to share information, so we can respond effectively. Or they may appreciate our sharing our observations and inviting them to partner in finding solutions. Even if parents don’t respond in a way we prefer, we’ll have gained information to boost our efforts and relationship with the student. Help families to prepare for engagement with us. When contacting parents to schedule a meeting or conference, we must be clear and specific about its purpose or topic. Knowing what’s planned helps lower anxiety and allows parents to prepare. When appropriate, we might share what they specifically can prepare and bring with them. Be an advocate. When we see ourselves as advocates for our students, our attitude and commitment naturally reflect in our language and actions. Parents rarely resist or question our advice and behavior when they clearly see we’re supporters, defenders, and protectors of their children and their success. Relationships matter. We know the power of positive, influential relationships with our students. The relationships we form with families stand equally important, especially during rough spots when students need all the support we can muster.

September 16, 2022

Nine Ways to Engage and Support Grandparents Who Are Parenting

In recent years, the number of grandparents who provide primary care for their grandchildren has grown significantly. In 2019, approximately 2.5 million school aged children depended on their grandparents for primary care. Predictably, the disruption and mortality associated with the pandemic significantly expanded the number of children and grandparents who find themselves in this situation. Of course, grandparents now parenting grandchildren face many of the same challenges encountered by parents of school aged kids. But grandparents often face additional difficulties. Consider that grandparents may have had little notice before moving into the role. Thus, they are unprepared for the parenting challenges and expectations they face. Unexpectedly shifting from the role of grandparent to parent can be a daunting prospect. Grandparents often have little recent experience in establishing expectations, setting limits, and disciplining children and young people. This can be further complicated when their grandchildren are coming from an environment filled with chaos, disruption, and lack of supervision. Meanwhile, grandparents typically are unfamiliar with how schools operate today. Much has changed since they and their children were in school. Instructional approaches have shifted, the curriculum may be unfamiliar, and technology is much more pervasive and relied upon. Often reaching advanced ages where their physical health is deteriorating, grandparents also may not have the emotional energy they had during the time their children were growing up. Further, the ways in which schools engage with parents today likely is different than what grandparents experienced, even a few years ago. Websites, texts, emails, and other technology-based strategies on which school personnel depend to communicate with parents may be unfamiliar and intimidating. Grandparents may be much more familiar with written notes, telephone calls, and face-to-face meetings as a primary means for communicating with school personnel. Fortunately, there are several steps and strategies we can employ to help these grandparents become more comfortable, engaged, and successful. Our guidance and support can play a crucial role in helping grandparents assist their grandchildren to succeed socially, emotionally, and academically during some difficult times. Here are nine ways in which we can help. First, we can connect grandparents with public and private resources they can tap to meet needs beyond what the school can provide. Grandparents often don’t know where to start to access financial, social, and healthcare support in their efforts to stabilize their situation and support their grandchildren. Second, we can build our understanding of the circumstances that led to the grandparents serving as parents. Students now parented by grandparents often face significant social, emotional, and behavioral challenges because of their circumstances prior to coming under their grandparents’ care. The more we know, the better able we are to effectively respond to their needs and provide support. Third, we can establish clear, consistent, and convenient lines of communication. Some grandparents will be tech savvy and ready to secure information they need via websites, texts, emails, and other technology-based tools. Others may be more comfortable with and responsive to a telephone call, written note, or face-to-face meeting. Some temporary “hand holding” can make a big difference. Fourth, we can share information about the content and organization of the curriculum in which their grandchildren will be engaging. Knowing what their grandchildren will be learning can remove some of the anxiety and uncertainty grandparents may feel. Also, we can share teaching strategies we employ with which the grandparents may be unfamiliar. For example, a focus on conceptual understanding and problem solving may be confusing to grandparents who experienced an education that depended heavily on memorization. Fifth, we can offer grandparents specific suggestions regarding how to help with homework and how to support students in other ways as they experience challenges and setbacks in school. We need to be mindful of the academic background and skills grandparents possess to support their grandchildren. We must avoid overloading or establishing expectations that grandparents cannot meet. Sixth, we can share with grandparents school-based and other resources their grandchildren can access to support their learning. After school academic support, online tutoring, and virtual learning supports are examples. Seventh, we can encourage grandparents to become more involved. For example, they can join parent-teacher organizations, serve on committees, volunteer, and participate in other activities that help them to connect and contribute within the school community. Eighth, we can connect grandparents with support groups specific to the needs of grandparents who are parenting. If this type of service is not already available, we can consider creating it. Mutual support, opportunities to learn more about parenting grandparent needs and issues, and building stronger relationships with the school can make a substantial difference. Ninth, we can resist making assumptions about what grandparents know and need. Grandparents have varied backgrounds and often face unique challenges in their new role. Our asking, listening, and understanding can help us to avoid unnecessary missteps and provide insights regarding what we can do to help grandparents and their grandchildren to be successful.

September 08, 2022

Six Strategies for Working with Aggressive Parents

Parents, just like students, bring varied backgrounds and experiences with schools and educators. They also rely on a variety of strategies to meet their needs and accomplish their goals. Some parents defer to educators to make the best decisions regarding the learning and education of their children. Other parents take a more assertive approach in advocating for the opportunities and supports they believe their children should be offered. Still other parents take a more confrontational, demanding, and aggressive approach in their engagement with us. The first two types of parents are usually the easiest and most pleasant with which to work to find answers and develop plans to serve their children. They come with a foundation of trust and an inclination to collaborate in seeking the best solutions. They often have a positive history and successful set of experiences with schools and educators and are inclined to value the relationship. Resolving issues and creating paths to success for their students may be challenging, but the presence of trust and an inclination toward collaboration creates a foundation for working together. Parents who take a more aggressive approach can present different challenges and require different strategies to build collaboration, resolve issues, and create a path to success. Working with them can be more challenging emotionally, and they may test our professional confidence and skills. Aggressive parents do not necessarily begin with the assumption that we have their and their children’s best interests in mind. Our challenge is to work through the potential barriers, find the best solutions for immediate issues, and lay groundwork on which to build a trusting relationship. Let’s examine six strategies you can employ with aggressive parents to increase your potential for success. First, when meeting with a parent whom you expect to be aggressive, meet face-to-face and have the conversation from a sitting position. When face-to-face, we are better able read emotions and respond more effectively than via voice, video, or text. The exchange can also be more nuanced and flexible when the conversation calls for assurances and redirection. Meanwhile, aggression is more difficult when sitting than when standing. If possible, avoid sitting directly opposite the parent; a 90 degree angle or side-by-side position reduces feelings of confrontation and win/lose thinking. Remember: Under their external image, aggressive parents are often fearful, uncertain, and anxious. Position the conversation to communicate that you and the parent are on the same side: You both want what is best for the student. Second, listen, show empathy, and keep cool. Allow the parent to tell their full story without interruptions, if possible. Recognize and respect the emotions the parent is communicating. The level of emotion the parent conveys can offer important clues about the intensity and seriousness with which the parent sees the situation. If the situation the parent describes involves an incident or aspects of a situation of which you are not aware, thank the parent for bringing the situation to your attention and suspend the meeting until you can collect the information you need. Attempting to argue or speculate risks making the situation worse and further undermining trust. Third, keep your ego out of it. Refuse to allow your emotions to cloud your judgment or provoke you to say something that further complicates the situation and that you later regret. Take time to frame and consider your responses. Use “I” statements and avoid vague references or hinted accusations. Stay calm and resist blaming. If you hear a threat or begin to feel unsafe, terminate the meeting and inform your supervisor. Fourth, remain focused on the child. Be clear, concise, and confident in your language. Show care, trust, respect, and integrity. Do not get into an argument. Consistently bring the conversation back to the child and what is in their best interest. Do not respond to personal attacks on your integrity or professional skills. Fifth, be clear about your position, but remain open to input and compromise. Where practical, integrate elements of the parent’s concern or perspective into the plan of action. Point out overlap and synergy between what you see as needing to be done and the parent’s perspective on the situation. Where possible, offer creative solutions that show the parent that there is more than one way to solve the problem. However, avoid being pressured into making a deal that you would not or could not make for other students. Sixth, conclude with a specific plan for improved communication. Consider scheduling a check-in after a few days or weeks, depending on the situation. Ongoing communication can reduce suspicion and build trust. Further, your ongoing communication can increase the level of confidence the parent has in your skills and ability, and it may prevent another difficult and awkward confrontation. Aggressive parents can present difficult emotional challenges. However, when approached with care, confidence, clarity, compassion, and creativity, what begins as a confrontation can become a productive collaboration that leads to greater trust and more success for the student.

August 15, 2022

Helping Families to Support Students in Transition

As we enter the final weeks of the school year, many students and families are experiencing or anticipating transitions. They may be transitioning back from remote or hybrid learning. They may be anticipating a transition to a new school in the fall. Some students may also be experiencing family transitions. Regardless, transitions can cause significant anxiety and stress and get in the way of student success. Of course, we need to monitor how students are feeling and anticipate uncertainties and worries they may be or will be experiencing. We can provide information that will reduce concerns and provide reassurance. We can plan activities to help students manage current transitions and prepare for what lies ahead. Further, we can utilize our relationships with students to provide guidance and reassurance. However, parents and guardians are also playing important roles in the lives of our students as they navigate changes and anticipate new experiences. This is a unique time in that families played an even larger and more crucial role than usual in the education of many students over the past year. Consequently, they may now be uniquely positioned to help their children and our students to make their way through what they are feeling and experiencing. Obviously, we have a full agenda for our attention in the coming weeks and could use some support and assistance. Parents and guardians may be able to share the load, if we invite, support, and provide them with specific actions they can take. Here are five ways we can enlist the assistance of and guide parents and guardians to provide support for children through what they may be experiencing. A good place to start is by coaching parents to encourage their children to talk about what is happening and how they are feeling. It’s important that they don’t assume issues of concern. What children and young people worry about may be something other than what adults think. It may be the pressures to finish the year, worries about what next year will be like, what is coming this summer, or something completely unrelated. These can also be opportunities to monitor how the transition is going, including what may be positive and energizing for the child. We can counsel parents to focus on learning growth and progress rather than grades alone. Many factors can influence what grades kids may receive at the end of the year. What matters most is what they are learning and the progress they are making. This also is a good time to advise parents to help their child to focus on what they can control. Worrying about all that could happen beyond the child’s control invites unproductive worry and needless stress. On the other hand, when students realize the full scope of what they can control, they are often reassured and better able to relax. Next, we can coach parents to remind and reconnect their child with past experiences of change with which they dealt successfully. By recalling strategies that they have relied on in the past and reflecting on how they might help now, students can increase their resiliency and build their confidence. Further, we might caution parents to be alert for signs of stress, depression, and anxiety that last longer than during past transitions and difficult circumstances or are of greater intensity than the child may be able to handle. Encourage parents to contact you if they observe symptoms that are cause for concern. In some cases, we may be able to provide the support and reassurance needed. Or we may find that the situation needs the attention of someone with specific expertise to whom the parent and child may be referred. Of course, we cannot anticipate every issue our students will face as the end of the year approaches. However, we can remain alert and sensitive to changes in students’ behavior and moods. We can also enlist other resources in students’ lives that can help. Parents and guardians certainly need to be on that list.

May 03, 2021

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

Send Us An Email

Watch Timing When Sending Home Negative News

Schools across the country are reporting lower grades and increasing course failures over the past several months. Of course, there are many reasons for the achievement slide, and it is reason for concern. In the coming months, a major focus will be on how to fill learning gaps and accelerate progress to help students get back on track. However, as I read the reports, I was reminded of a research study recently published in JAMA, the Journal of the American Medical Association. The study drew a concerning connection between the timing of negative news, such as disappointing report card contents, and increases in child abuse. The study compared reported incidents of child abuse to state child welfare agencies to the days of the week when report cards are sent home. Examination of almost 2,000 cases indicated that on Saturdays following Friday distribution of report cards, reports of child abuse jumped fourfold compared to reported incidents following the release of report cards on other days of the week. Predictably, several factors might contribute to this sad connection. Weekends typically provide more time for adults to notice and react to information provided on report cards. Adults in children’s lives who may already be feeling anger and stress can choose to take out their frustrations on children whose report cards carry negative information. Parents who see education as crucial to a better life, but without a broad range of skills and strategies to respond, may resort to punishment to motivate greater commitment to learning and school success. The study was conducted prior to the pandemic, so it is difficult to predict whether conditions have changed significantly. Yet, we know that the pandemic has increased stress levels for just about everyone. For people who are already facing challenging circumstances and do not handle stress well, the situation may be even more volatile. We also know that far too many students have already been traumatized by life. They have seen and experienced what no child should have to endure. They may live in families that struggle to find resources to live. They may be in uncertain and unpredictable environments where conflict and violence are too frequently present. Or they may be in a household where mental and psychological issues are ongoing concerns. On its face, the study might lead schools to a simple solution: Send report cards home on days of the week other than Friday. However, the findings of the study hint at a broader set of implications and cautions for school personnel, especially in light of the challenges and stress brought on by the pandemic. We need to do all that we can to help parents and caregivers develop and utilize a broad set of strategies to discipline and motivate the children for whom they have responsibility. Physical punishment remains a preferred means of discipline, especially for young children. According to the JAMA study, between 75% and 95% of parents report using physical or corporal punishment for children between the ages of two and eight. Studies also show that physical punishment that escalates to physical abuse is associated with poor academic achievement and emotional and behavior problems, the very behaviors the punishment is intended to eliminate. We must also give careful attention to the consequences of other communication with parents and caregivers that contains negative information about the behavior of children. If poor grades on a report card can stimulate abuse, it is reasonable to assume that similar information conveyed through other means may lead to similar consequences. This is not to say that we should keep any information that is not positive away from parents. Rather, we need to be thoughtful and sensitive about the timing, means, and framing of what we share. When we take the time to share the full picture surrounding negative information and provide suggestions for actions to correct the situation, we can lessen the intensity of emotional response and create a positive path forward. We also need to be alert to situations where negative information is likely to lead to physical abuse. For example, when students show unusually intense fear about how an adult will react to information we plan to share, it may be an indication that the consequences will be extreme. We may need to share the information verbally or in person to gauge the reaction and provide coaching about appropriate responses and corrective action. Of course, we need to remain alert and report incidents of abuse we suspect. Far too many children live in environments that leave them vulnerable and traumatized. We may not be able to prevent the negative forces in their lives or intervene in ways that fully counter their vulnerability. However, we can remain alert to dangers they face and do all that we can to avoid contributing to their troubles. Resource: Bright, M. A., Lynne, S. D., Masyn, K. E., Waldman, M. R., Graber, J., & Alexander, R. (2018). Association of Friday school report card release with Saturday incidence rates of agency-verified physical child abuse. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(2), pp. 176-182. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2018.4346

March 15, 2021

Giving Support to Grieving Students

It seems that almost every day we hear about a new record high of coronavirus infection cases across states and the nation. Hospitalizations continue to rise and unfortunately, we hear of even more deaths because of the pandemic. Prior to COVID-19 it was estimated that one in 14 children lose a parent or sibling before they reach their 18th birthday. Given the hundreds of thousands of additional deaths resulting from the pandemic, we can expect the frequency of students who are experiencing death in their lives and families to be even higher now. The reality is inescapable. It is sad, depressing, and disheartening. Yet, our students who have lost a loved one are fortunate to have the caring and support of teachers and other staff to help them find their way through the experience. Of course, family members, clergy, and others in their lives can hopefully provide comfort, support, and guidance, but teachers and other adults at school have a role to play. Importantly, for many students, school may be the most stable and supportive place in their lives. Further, at this time of year students are spending a major portion of their waking lives involved in school-related learning activities, whether in person or remote. Without question, we need to be ready to assist where we can. Still, teachers and other staff members need to know what to do and how to help. The good news is that providing the support most students need does not require extensive training. We need to communicate our understanding and empathy. We need to be there when students need us. More specifically, experts advise five key considerations that can help us provide what students need as they grieve. First, we need to listen more and talk less. We might be tempted to share times when we have grieved, want to tell stories about our experiences with the deceased, or try to cheer up the student by focusing on a silver lining, such as reminding the students of past experiences with the person who died. There will be an appropriate time for sharing and reminiscing later. Initially, our students just need to know that we are there for them and ready to listen and support them. Second, we need to avoid using euphemisms to describe death, especially for younger students. Descriptors such as “passed” or “eternal rest” can be confusing and lead to misconceptions about what has happened. Using the words “died” or “death” can help students to grasp the reality that the person will not come back and communicate our understanding of the situation. These situations are confusing enough on their own. We must be careful not to add to the student’s distress. Third, we can anticipate a variety of behavioral responses resulting from a student’s grief. Some students will withdraw, want to avoid attention, and have difficulty maintaining focus while others may act out in anger, defiance, and blaming. Our patience and understanding are crucial, but we also need to monitor their behavior, especially if it is sustained or escalates. Further, we need to realize that our relationship with the student is even more important during this time. When students act out, we must be careful not to place our relationship on the line. Our students need reassurance that we understand and want to help. Abandoning them cannot be a threat or suggestion we employ. Fourth, we can give students opportunities to experience a sense of control. The loss of a loved one can leave students feeling adrift without the ability to influence what is happening to and around them. By giving choices about activities, tasks, and other elements of classroom life, we can help students to regain some reassurance. For some students, an invitation to take on minor classroom responsibilities and roles can offer a sense of control, but we need to be sensitive to how the student perceives our offers and expectations. Fifth, we need to reach out to families of students who are experiencing grief. Families often see a larger context for what the student is experiencing and what they need. They may even have suggestions for what we can do to help. Families will also appreciate the caring and concern, and the contact can be helpful if further support and services become necessary. We never want our students to suffer and grieve. Yet, loss is a part of the human experience. Our presence, caring, and support can make a crucial difference.

December 07, 2020

Ten Stress-Reducing Strategies for Parents During Remote Learning

With several weeks of the school year behind us, many of us are settling in to daily and weekly routines. We may even be finding a manageable rhythm to our engagement with students. If we are working with students and families in a remote learning arrangement, we also need to be conscious of and sensitive to how students and the adults in their lives are managing routines and meeting the challenges they face. Obviously, this element of the learning equation is important to the learning outcomes we want for our students. Predictably, some parents and other adults who are in the homes and lives of our students will have figured out key strategies and routines to provide support at home. However, they are likely still struggling in other areas. Other parents may just be hanging on, trying to make it through without an array of strategies and approaches that are working. They may be confronting challenges in their relationships with their children that they have not had to face before. Both groups of adults are likely experiencing stress, feeling that being a real-time partner in learning is not something they have been fully prepared for. Now is a good time to share strategies to reduce the stress they and their children are experiencing and to support their remote learning efforts. Even for parents who are managing with relative success, the strategies can be good reminders and reinforcers for their efforts. Here are ten practical, stress-reducing strategies you can share:

Even though children are not leaving home each morning and meeting a full day school schedule, keep morning wake-up and evening sleep times consistent. Adequate and consistent sleep will help students’ energy levels and ability to focus, while reducing their “crankiness” quotient.
To the extent practical, maintain a consistent daily schedule, at least during the week. Structure, predictability, and consistency can reduce anxiety and stress and prevent many needless and unproductive conflicts.
If possible, designate a separate space for learning. Encourage your child or young person to make the space personal. Display artwork and pictures, assemble necessary materials and tools, and anything else that makes the space personal and comfortable without distracting from learning. Feeling ownership for work space can make a big difference.
Make daily lists of tasks and responsibilities with children. The lists may include academic and non-academic items, but it is often best to separate them into categories. Be sure to follow-up on completion of tasks to ensure accountability. Often, having children check off items as they are completed can generate a sense of accomplishment and increase commitment to completing responsibilities.
To the extent possible, build in frequent breaks during learning time. Screen time can be exhausting. Even standing, stretching, or moving can be enough to refresh attention and energy. Scheduling breaks so that students can anticipate and manage their time can also be helpful.
Make it a priority to provide feedback and encouragement relative to learning growth and behavior. Students are often accustomed to receiving frequent feedback and support from teachers in face-to-face environments. Such levels of feedback and support are not always possible in remote learning environments. Parents can help to fill this gap and reduce feelings of anxiety and isolation.
As much as possible, eliminate interruptions and distractions while students are engaged in online and other learning activities. It can be tempting to make a comment, offer a snack, or otherwise engage children in well-intended but off-task activities. While physical proximity makes engagement convenient, it can still interrupt learning and create stress.
Filter your feelings and frustrations and where necessary, model your coping skills and strategies. Your filtering can avoid overwhelming your child, while your coping activities can offer lessons from which they can learn.
Find ways to connect your child with others, even though in-person time may not be a current option. The face-to-face school experience offers almost constant opportunities for students to interact and connect with other students. The loss of engagement with other students can create stress and feelings of isolation. Social media, socially distanced activities, and video engagement can lessen these feelings, even if full, in-person connections are not possible.
Don’t wait if your child is experiencing technology, instruction, relationship or other issues. Contact your child’s teacher and enlist their help to find solutions and locate the resources you need.

Obviously, we cannot remove all the stress and challenges that accompany remote learning. Still, the more we can help parents lessen the distractions and frustrations students experience, the less stress with which parents will have to cope.

October 12, 2020

Four Ways to Help Families Navigate the Transition Back

In the coming days and weeks families will begin the transition back to having their children in some type school environment. Without question, families have many questions and concerns and will need support to work through the process of having their children return to school. Of course, you cannot anticipate and may not always be able to immediately answer all of their questions and quell each of their fears. However, there are several concrete steps you can take to help families understand, anticipate, and prepare for what lies ahead. First, as you develop plans and make decisions about the format and structure of schools as they open, focus on and share the goals or decision criteria you are using. As examples:

Will the plan adhere to local health department guidelines and advice?
Will optimal learning environments receive top priority consideration?
Will the plan include options and flexibility for parents to make choices about learning environments?
Will the plan include options and considerations should it be necessary to close schools again?

Clear communication about the goals of your plan and criteria for decisions will provide reassurance to families and assist their understanding of elements and processes with which they will have to deal. Further, the presence of clear goals may be useful if you discover unexpected implications or conditions change such that you must make significant adjustments to the plan. Second, to the extent practical, provide families with options regarding the setting and structure of their children’s school experience. The options may be as significant as whether students will engage in regular face-to-face instruction, experience a blended environment, or full online experience; or as specific as participating in open recess, unstructured lunch, physical education, or other special activities. You know the limits of your flexibility and capacity. Just know that offering some meaningful choices can build acceptance and support as you navigate through uncertain times. Third, to the extent you can, offer families flexibility should they find that the learning environment their children are experiencing is not working for them. Having the ability to discuss concerns with a decisionmaker, seek additional support, or even make a change can provide important reassurance and build willingness for families to have their children participate in a new or different environment. Fourth, if you plan to introduce new technology tools and applications this fall that will require support from families, consider developing webinars, online videos, and other supports to help families become acquainted with the new tools and applications before they will be expected to support their use with their children. Managing technology was a significant source of frustration and stress for many families when face-to-face instruction was interrupted in the spring. Anything you and your staff can do to prepare families and increase their comfort and confidence will make a positive difference as they reengage this fall. Obviously, you cannot anticipate every question and allay every fear. Yet, the more timely and relevant information you provide, the more flexibility you offer in areas of concern, and the more support you make available when families feel the need, the greater will be the success families experience and the more support you will in turn feel from families.

July 27, 2020

The Master Teacher Blog