The Master Teacher Blog

By this time of year, we have experienced a great deal. We have achieved our share of victories, accomplished many important tasks, and met several difficult challenges. However, we may not see all these reasons to celebrate and feel good because of the thoughtless or insensitive—or even intentionally hurtful—actions or words of others.

The damage can be even worse when we find ourselves struggling or when we are unable to let go of what happened, release the resulting emotions, and move forward. Grudges can be invisible barriers to experiencing the happiness and emotional freedom we deserve. Consider these consequences when we find ourselves carrying resentments for past actions.

Grudges allow others to “live rent free” in our minds. Holding a grudge means that we remain conscious of or even preoccupied with what someone did to us. We revisit the experience when we see the person, someone mentions the person, or we even think about them. Our preoccupation with what was said or done—and our inability to let go of the incident—might be compared to their living in our heads, occupying valuable space.

Holding a grudge repeats the hurt. In fact, grudges can do more damage to us than the original actions that hurt us. Replaying the incident often refreshes the memory and fuels the emotions that initially gave rise to the grudge. While the incident itself likely happened only once, our replaying it in our minds can have the effect of being hurt repeatedly.

Grudges are a kind of trap. They can leave us looping through anger, resentment, bitterness, and hopelessness, and we can even feel as though we are stuck with no way “out.” Our anger can drain our energy and steal our happiness; as a result, we become bitter, and our bitterness can leave us feeling weak and resigned to our negative feelings.

Grudges can steal our physical and mental health. The emotional toll that can accompany a grudge may compromise our immune system and leave us vulnerable to colds, flu, and other ailments. Holding grudges can also create chronic stress, raise our anxiety, and lead to depression.

Obviously, these are not pleasant consequences. Few of us would choose to experience them without a strong reason to do so. However, grudges (especially those that are the result of significant actions and have been held for extended time) are not easy to abandon.

Fortunately, we have some excellent models for letting go and choosing not to carry the burden that grudges represent; Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela come to mind. Certainly, both individuals had ample reason to resent how they were treated in their lives and hold significant grudges, yet they chose to rise above their circumstances and feelings, achieve great things, and actively pursue—and experience—happiness.

So, how might we go about letting go of a grudge? Here are five steps to take:

• Accept what happened. We might consider it a learning opportunity, a lesson in behavior, or an unintentional incident. The key is to accept, rather than mentally fight, what happened.
• Do not hold out for an apology. We can only control ourselves, our own actions and reactions. Our choice to let go may be all we need or can expect. Letting go of expectations for the behavior of someone else can be freeing.
• Choose to forgive. Forgiveness has more to do with us than with the person whom we are forgiving. Interestingly, the origin of the word “forgive” is to “give for” or “replace.” When we forgive, we free ourselves to replace resentment and blame with peace, freedom, and even empathy.
• Refocus on what is important and controllable. Grudges can commandeer significant time and energy. When we choose to let go of a grudge, we can invest our attention, commitment, and talents elsewhere. We might take on a project, commit to a mission, or perform a service that will bring us satisfaction and renew our spirit.
• Commit to not allow another to occupy space in your mind unless you invite them. Choosing to spend time and give our attention to the people who care about us and for whom we care can be a welcome and refreshing change to carrying a weighty grudge.

It is inevitable that we will encounter thoughtless, careless, and insensitive people, even people who are intentionally and unapologetically unkind—or just downright mean. We need to remember that what others say and do is less important than how we choose to respond. Their control over us is limited to what we choose to allow.

Some people seem to be naturally charismatic. They are people to whom others look when they want to know what to do and how to act. Being around charismatic people can be fun and affirming.  

However, charisma is not magic. The fact is that it can be developed with intention and practice. According to researchers, charisma is largely determined by two factors: affability and influence. Affability refers to how likeable others see us, and influence is how likely we are to enlist and motivate others. The first factor is about relationships. The second is about leadership. 

To be clear, we do not have to have a high level of charisma to be successful. Some of us would prefer to work in the background and not be noticed; we would rather do the work than make decisions and lead the work. Successful organizations are comprised of people with diverse personalities, emotional needs, and aspirations. We need to be our authentic selves. One thing is certain: Trying to be someone other than who we are is a sure way to increase our stress, undermine our confidence, and leave us exhausted. 

On the other hand, increasing charisma may be something we would like to pursue. If so, there are several behaviors and skills we will want to develop to build our affability and influence.  

First, we can attend to our nonverbal behaviors. Our posture, tone of voice, and body positioning all matter. For example, leaning in when listening to and maintaining eye contact with a person can signal attention and respect. Speaking confidently is likely to be read as certainty. Standing straight and walking with purpose communicates self-assurance. 

Second, we can choose to be optimistic. People like to be around those who see the best in others. People want to follow those who see the best in situations and look for opportunities rather than become mired in doom and gloom.  

Third, we might focus on solutions rather than “admiring the problem.” It has been said that anyone can find a problem—leaders focus on how to solve them. When confronting challenges, we can focus on what can be done rather than how difficult the situation is going to be.  

Fourth, we can develop our sense of humor. Appreciating absurdity, finding humor in the ironic, and appreciating the serendipitous can make us approachable. Not taking ourselves and life too seriously can be attractive to people around us and those we want to lead. 

Fifth, we can lift others up over claiming credit for ourselves. This behavior does not mean that we deny the good work we do and accomplishments we earn. Rather, we recognize that few successes are achieved alone; in most circumstances, success is the result of joint effort and mutual support. Of course, in recognizing and giving credit to our team or group, we also give credence to our contributions to the outcome.  

Sixth, we can build and pursue shared purpose. Most of us want to be part of something important that is bigger than ourselves. Inviting and inspiring others to contribute to a worthy cause or join a heroic crusade can be compelling. We may need to provide the stimulus and maybe even frame the vision, but giving others a role and sharing ownership can be powerful motivators.  

Seventh, we need to earn and demonstrate credibility. Credibility comes from building and exhibiting expertise. Further, knowledge and wisdom are key components of credibility. We can be the person to provide reassurance, guidance, assistance, and support when others are uncertain and need someone on whom they can rely.  

Charisma can be a useful addition to our leadership profile. However, we need to remember that charisma is only as worthy as the goals it is employed to accomplish and the benefits it accrues to those around us. 

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never harm me.” Of course, we know that this statement is not true, at least not the second part. Sticks and stones may cause physical harm, sure, but words can also inflict pain and cause lasting hurt. The difference is that one injury is often visible while the other is not.

Like with physical injuries, the hurt caused by words is not always intentional, and its impact may be unexpected. Yet, careless words can be no less hurtful than careless actions. A comment in an emotional moment, an ill-considered observation, or a thoughtless piece of advice can carry more weight and do more harm that we might imagine. They can also have a lasting impact. Many of us can recall comments, observations, or criticisms from people who matter to us that have stuck with us for years, and even decades.

Importantly, the words we say to ourselves can be just as harmful as the words others hurl at us. The impact is even worse when we say negative things to ourselves repeatedly. Our brains use repetition as a key learning process. The brain searches for patterns and looks for consistency to make sense of what is happening to us and what is going on around us. As a result, the truth is less influential than how often we are exposed to a message or theme. This is the power of self-talk. What we say to and about ourselves matters.

Further, negative words can stimulate chemical changes in our bodies. Multiple studies have shown that negative words release stress- and anxiety-producing hormones. They can also contribute to long-term anxiousness and lower levels of self-perception.

Fortunately, there is good news about the words we hear and use, too. Experts advise that positive words and thoughts can change how we feel and how we interact with the world. Focusing on positive thoughts and words stimulates activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. The more we focus on what is positive and adopt an optimistic outlook, the more we “heal” our thinking and shift toward a positive perception of others and the world in general.

Herein lies the power of affirmations to shift our thinking, increase our confidence, and make us happier. The repetition of positive affirmations takes advantage of our brain’s tendency to believe what it hears. The same phenomenon that makes negativity so powerful can be harnessed to make us healthier and happier. The more often we repeat positive affirmations, the more our brains assume them as truth and will shift our thinking and perceptions.

The power of words needs to be heeded as we decide with whom to spend time and form friendships. We may not be able to choose everyone with whom we work and associate, but we can resist allowing their attitudes and perceptions to become ours. Being conscious of negative speaking patterns and themes can help us to take counteraction. We also need to do what we can to minimize the time spent with these negative people and the influence they have on our thinking and perceptions of ourselves.

Further, when we hear words that hurt, we need to respond (at least to ourselves) with countering messages such, “That is not accurate” or “That is not who I am.” Our brains need to hear that what was said is not to be accepted or believed. Allowing the words and the hurt they carry to remain unchallenged risks our giving them more weight and impact than they deserve.

We can find ourselves on both sides of the words hurt-and-heal issue. There will be times when we say things that hurt, things we regret. We need do what is necessary to counter the damage, apologize, and learn from the experience. When we are hurt by the words of others, we need to do what is necessary to avoid allowing ourselves to be caught up in the negativity and push back against it through what we say to ourselves.

This time of the year can be challenging. After all, the holiday breaks have passed, the days are short, and the weather may not be pleasant. Spring can seem a long way off. For many, this a month when we struggle to remain motivated, creative, and productive. We may feel out of control and anxious, and even seemingly small things can upset us in ways we do not expect.

We need strategies that can help us to regain a sense of control, reduce feelings of confusion and anxiety, and renew our confidence and commitment. Fortunately, there is a wealth of research on how we can make this happen within our daily lives. As simple as it may sound, daily rituals can help us to feel centered and more confident. They can lead us to feel less anxious, and they can even reduce our stress. Rituals can give a greater sense of order and predictability to our lives.

A ritual is defined as a predetermined sequence of symbolic actions, often characterized by formality and repetition. As that definition indicates, rituals typically have symbolic meaning, but they may have no obvious useful purpose. They may have religious and spiritual origins, but they do not have to have a religious connection to be effective.

Engaging in rituals is pervasive and thus not limited to any one occupation. Many athletes, for example, form and maintain rituals to lower their anxiety, bring order to their actions, and help them to focus on upcoming competition. They may put on the components of their uniform in a specific order, prepare equipment in an exact way, or follow other carefully sequenced preparatory and/or in-competition activities. Artists, too, often engage in rituals. They organize equipment and materials with careful thought and consistency. Artists may seek familiar settings and surroundings to do their best work, even though we might assume that is not the setting that generates creativity, but the artist. Consider that author Charles Dickens always slept with his head facing north, believing that doing so made him more creative. Author and poet Maya Angelou would only write in a hotel room with all pictures removed from the wall.  

Rituals are not habits. We may engage in habits without thinking, while rituals carry meaning and purpose to us. Where habits can be engaged in without awareness of any connection or supposed influence, rituals are grounded in meaning, consciousness, purpose, and mindfulness.

Of course, we need to be careful to avoid rituals that may be toxic for us. “Doomscrolling” on social media and watching (and then obsessing over) the daily news, are two common examples. Toxic rituals work against the goals of gaining control and lessening our anxiety.

So, how might we use rituals to help us gain a sense of control? Here are some possibilities:

• We can develop a morning ritual that helps us to wake and prepare for the day. We might review what lies ahead and remind ourselves of our ability to succeed regardless of what the day might hold. Our morning ritual might include stretching and exercising, texting a close friend or relative and wishing them a good day, or some other activity that gives us a sense of control and well-being.
• When arriving at school, we might engage in a ritual that includes greeting colleagues, securing coffee, and previewing the lessons we designed for the day. The result can be feelings of connectedness and readiness for what lies ahead.
• When students arrive, we may engage in a ritual that includes greeting and engaging in handshakes, high-fives, or other gestures that convey connection and caring. Our positive interaction can set a positive tone and expectation for how the day will go.
• When we are going to meet with parents, we might engage in a ritual that includes thinking about how the parents might feel and what they will need from us in order for the meeting to be successful. Understanding and anticipating what parents might be feeling can help us to be confident and empathetic.
• As we prepare for the next day, we might engage in a prescribed sequence of activities such as reviewing what happened and what we learned from today, what students will need to move to the next level of learning, and how we might design activities that will support the learning for which they are ready.
• We might end the day with rituals that help us to let go of what may have frustrated or distracted us. We might put away materials, store equipment, and leave our classrooms without bringing anything that we will not need at home during the evening. This ritual can help to create separation between our work and home lives so that we enjoy the evening and return refreshed tomorrow.

Of course, not all rituals must be functional. In fact, experts note that the nature of rituals is less important than the significance given to them by the people who practice them. We might choose to wear our “lucky outfit,” repeat a favorite mantra, or do something else that helps us to feel more in control, lessen our anxiety, and dissipate our stress. The choice is ours.

When we assume the role of teacher in a school and school district, we are granted several formal powers upon which we can draw. Because we represent the institution, we have the power to administer campus policies, uphold formal standards, and enforce institutional rules. In addition, our role as a teacher empowers us to establish classroom rules, create structures, develop procedures, assign tasks, evaluate progress and performance, determine grades, and perform other actions.

However, formal sources of power, as strong as they may be, have limits; relying too heavily on them can, in fact, undermine our effectiveness and even work against our goals of inspiring students, creating a positive learning environment, convincing students to persist, and positioning them to find meaning in their learning. Meanwhile, today’s students are less likely than previous generations to grant status and give deference to educators based on the formal role those educators play and the power granted to them by the institution.

Gaining the compliance, cooperation, and commitment of students today requires understanding, developing, and tapping a second set of powers. These powers are less formal and more relationship based, but they are ultimately far more powerful than the powers granted by the institution.

These informal powers come naturally to some people and are more challenging for others. Most of them can be developed with time and practice, even when they initially do not feel natural. Others may fit best for teachers with certain personalities and preferences. The truth is that we do not need to employ all these sources of power at once—or ever, even. The key is to be ourselves and tap the powers that fit who we are and how we choose to engage with our students.

Let’s explore five sources of influence that are not granted by our position, yet they have the potential to stimulate learning, build strong relationships, and even ignite lifelong aspirations for our students.

The first is credibility. Credibility comes from a deep knowledge of content, lived experience, and teaching expertise. Teachers with credibility can break down learning tasks, provide useful hints, and share effective strategies. They are quick to provide real-world examples and make interesting and useful connections. In doing so, they may share personal experiences and add meaningful context, and they can provide clear examples and explain implications related to what students are learning.

The second power is culture building. Teachers who tap this power create a sense of belonging for all students by cultivating mutual respect, establishing clear norms, and demanding inclusivity. Students in their classes often feel as though they are a part of something bigger than themselves. Students may even feel as though they are part of a team that supports everyone’s learning. As a result, students experience less isolation, reduced conflict, and strong connections.

The third informal power is charisma. Teachers who tap the power of charisma project confidence, passion, and energy. They often seem bigger than life and are the leaders whom students naturally want to follow. These teachers often have a rich sense of humor and may be fun-loving and playful. They demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence. Of course, not everyone may be a performer, but being authentic, optimistic, and confident can go a long way in building charisma.

The fourth source of informal power is connections. The power of connections can be seen in strong positive relationships with students and others, relationships typically based on caring, knowing, helping, understanding, and supporting students. These teachers believe in individual potential and are strong advocates for students’ needs and interests. Meanwhile, they are attuned to emotions, needs, and hopes. Careful listening is a central source of their influence. Consequently, they can more successfully navigate challenges and manage conflicts.

The fifth source is creativity. Teachers who tap this source of informal power are flexible and adaptable, quick to adjust to unique needs of students. They offer choices and other opportunities for students to experience empowerment, and they respond to the unexpected without losing sight of important goals. They may be skilled at improvisation, and often, they find humor in the absurd and ridiculous.

Without a doubt, success as a teacher requires the support that comes with formal, positional power. However, formal power is rarely enough to sustain our success. It is our access to our own informal influence that allows us to find sustainable success with students and nurture their learning in the face of inevitable challenges.

What if investing less than five minutes per day could change our outlook, help us to become more optimistic, and make us feel better about ourselves? And what if this same set of activities could also leave others with whom we interact wanting to be around and spend more time with us? It may seem fantastical, but it might be easier than we assume. 

The power behind this shift resides in two fundamental truths. First, we tend to find what we look for. When we seek and expect to find good in others, we see more of it. Discovering more good leads us to being more positive and optimistic. Second, when we share with others what we notice about the positive behaviors and characteristics they demonstrate and the difference they make, they feel better about themselves and us. The more that we notice the good around us, the better we feel. The more we share with others the good they bring, the better they feel.  

The good news is that we do not have to allocate significant new time or add demanding tasks to our daily routines to experience such a shift. What is important is where we focus and what we prioritize. We need to look for specific actions, interactions, and impacts to collect and share. In fact, noticing as few as two or three things a day and sharing our observations with others is enough to get started.  

How we share our observations also matters. Mentioning what we notice is good, but for real impact and staying power, we need to spend at least twenty seconds adding details, examples, and context, and describing their impact. In fact, the twenty seconds we spend acknowledging a person’s strengths and impact can make their day or week—and maybe even shift the direction of their life. 

So, what should we look for? Here are five areas to begin: 

• Note someone’s area of strength and tell them. Everyone has strengths, including some of which we may not even be conscious. Hearing about them—and how they impact others—matters. Even when someone notices and calls attention to what we already consider our strengths, that makes us feel good, and we may be inspired to invest even more.  
• Look for someone’s contribution and mention it. Every day, people do things that make life and work better for others. The action may be something with a high profile, or it may be barely noticed. Regardless, our world works best when people are willing to act in ways that benefit others. Having these behaviors noticed can make practicing them feel more significant and often encourages even more contributions. 
• Listen for a good question and reinforce it. Schools are places where questions abound. Of course, not all questions lead to inquiry and insight and initiate action. When we hear a good question, regardless of the status of the source, we need to treasure it. We also do well to share our gratitude for the question, why we believe it to be important, and where it might lead. Our reinforcement can provide their reinforcement to build the courage to ask even more important questions.  
• Watch for a unique insight and capture it. Like good questions, insights are not always easily recognized. Our attention and support might be the stimulus needed for someone to continue to examine important challenges and uncover important knowledge.  
• Reflect on what we appreciate in others and share it. Even during trying times, there are people around us whose care, support, and general presence we appreciate. However, we may not take the time to tell these people what they mean to us and why. Hearing that they are valued and make a difference can easily make their day and more.  

We may be surprised to find that others are often not conscious of the power of their actions and the difference they make. Our willingness to observe and share the impact they have costs us little beyond our attention and a few minutes, if even that, of our time. However, our pointing out that difference lifts its significance and amplifies its impact. Best of all, we will have made the lives of others better while also enriching ours. 

Unlike some professions, it is not always easy to leave behind teaching-related obligations and preoccupations at the end of the day. Yet, failure to separate work life and home life can be a source of stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and even depression.  

Fortunately, there are strategies we can employ and steps we can take to move us in the direction of having time for ourselves. Work does not always have to dominate our thinking and drive how we invest our time. Here are ten ideas to consider. Of course, not every strategy may work for everyone, but they can be helpful places to start. 

Set a time to finish and leave work. Of course, there will be days when events will conspire to make meeting the goal not realistic. However, having a deadline can make us more efficient and force prioritization of key tasks. In the absence of a deadline, we can drift into new and less crucial tasks, thus crowding out prioritized actions and delaying departure. Lack of focus can also add to our stress and increase feelings of guilt.  

Create a closeout routine. We might take a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect on or even make a list of what we accomplished. A few minutes of reflection can help us to track our progress, improve our productivity, and build a sense of accomplishment. We also might commit to putting away materials and files to create a clean and organized workspace to return to in the morning. We might plan to briefly touch base with colleagues. Of course, we need to be careful to avoid unnecessarily expanding our day—or someone else’s.   

Create a plan for the next day. Developing a to-do list can create clarity and reduce anxiety about forgetting or missing an important task or obligation. Hint: We might intentionally leave at least one task or activity we enjoy or look forward to for the next morning. Having something pleasant and pleasurable to begin the day can set a positive tone and provide motivation for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, we will be able to avoid having to worry about and construct the list during the evening.  

Be thoughtful about tasks selected for completion at home. Just because something could be done at home during the evening or over the weekend does not mean that it has to be completed then. Sometimes completing a task or project can give significant relief or a sense of accomplishment and is worth allocating the time and attention. However, we need to consider the tradeoffs and opportunity costs.  

Make work in the evening a choice, not an obligation. Building on the previous suggestion, how we think about doing work outside of the workday matters. Choosing to take work home can feel different than feeling as though it is an obligation. If we want to avoid evening tasks, we might choose to stay a little longer or arrive earlier in the morning.  

Use the commute as a break between work and home. Our commute can be a time for clearing mind clutter and creating healthy separation from work. During the transition, we might listen to music or a favorite podcast, practice deep breathing, or just relax and enjoy the weather. We might even consider singing to ourselves the Frozen song, “Let It Go,” as a mantra.  

Take home nothing not needed for the evening. We can be tempted to take tasks and projects home “just in case,” even though we may not be fully committed to their completion. Not having tools and materials available can make it easier to detach and lessen feelings of guilt. A full backpack can make us feel conscientious, but it can also be a guilt-inducing burden.  

Plan something specific and enjoyable for the evening. Having something to which we look forward can help to make the shift quicker and more pleasurable. Maybe it is a favorite television show or movie, a child’s activity, or just spending time with loved ones that can be our focus. Of course, what we do is less important than what it means to us.  

Create an after-work routine. We might engage in an exercise routine, practice meditation, or engage in a hobby. Regardless, this is a good time to intentionally avoid thinking about work. Often, taking a break from thinking about a problem can refresh our thinking and even lead to new ideas and perspectives. Surprisingly, something as small as regularly changing from school clothes to exercise, project, or at home clothes can shift our mood and mindset. 

Avoid scrolling through and responding to emails, texts, and social media during the evening. Reviewing lists of emails, reading texts, and engaging in social media can pull us back to work and raise our anxiety. Even worse, our engagement risks generating responses to which we feel obligated to respond. Our actions also may be read as permission for people to engage us outside of work hours. If we feel the urge to send emails, we might at least schedule them to be delivered at the time people return to work in the morning.  

Admittedly, creating separation between work and the rest of our lives can be a challenge. However, doing so can improve our health, happiness, and productivity. Even if we are not completely successful, it can make a positive difference and likely will be more than worth the effort.  

Staff lounges often have a reputation as being places of toxic negativity. Too often, they are perceived as places filled with constant complaints, unending negativity, and pervasive cynicism. In fact, new teachers are frequently advised to avoid the staff lounge as much as they can.  

Yet, staff lounges often play important roles in the life of a school. They may be where copy machines are located, paper cutters and punches and other equipment are available, and other frequently used materials are stored. Lounges often house staff mailboxes. They also may be the place where staff are expected to have lunch. Consequently, they cannot always be avoided. 

Fortunately, staff lounges do not have to be negative, energy-sapping places. Of course, we cannot mandate positivity, nor should every conversation be upbeat and optimistic. That is not real life. Still, there are steps we can take to make the teachers’ lounge a place to relax, reflect, converse, and collaborate. We can make them cheerful, attractive, warm, and welcoming spaces. Of course, what we can do depends on the availability of resources; what is realistic for one campus or district may not be feasible for another. Consider these six steps as places to start your thinking: 

• Design the space as a connection, collaboration, information, and inspiration center. We might designate a wall or bulletin board to post tech tips of the week, education-related cartoons and jokes, staff shoutouts and upcoming birthdays, inspiring or humorous quotes, thank-you notes and news articles, and even idea and strategy postings. Space might be designated to highlight accomplishments of present and former students and updates on staff members. Of course, inspiring artwork can add to the vibe.  
• Create a comfortable and inviting space. If funds and resources are available, stock the space with flexible furniture. Small tables of varying sizes can encourage collaboration. High-top tables can add variety. Soft seating can facilitate conversations. Small cubicles can offer privacy and space to think. The image of a coffee shop can help to stimulate imagination. Staff who desire to do so could donate furniture and items of good quality to this cause. 
• Add stress-reducing surroundings. Live plants that are easy to maintain can bring nature inside and add color and beauty. Also, consider installing a live fish tank if it can be maintained. Fish tanks are often placed in physicians’ offices and other high-stress places as they have been shown to be especially effective in calming emotions and reducing stress.  
• Craft a comfortable context. Where possible, shift lighting from overhead florescent lights to lamps, indirect lighting, and other more inviting sources of illumination. Add a new coat of paint that reflects the desired environment; a blend of calming and energizing colors can help, depending on the amount and configuration of the space. Creating a wall mural can add interest and variety. This could also be a worthwhile project for art students, which would add to the sense of community and culture as well. 
• Schedule regular social events. Consider themed days and weeks, holiday celebrations, and birthdays for potluck breakfasts and lunches. Morning pastries or healthy snacks and end-of-day “grab-and-go” beverages can build feelings of connectedness, belonging, caring, and appreciation. However, these gatherings need to be regular and frequent to have an impact. Weekly activities are optimal, but monthly events can still make a difference.  
• Commit to an environment of care, encouragement, and support. Encourage actions that are constructive and collaborative. The shared development and posting of norms can help to communicate expectations and guide behavior. Here are some norms to consider:  

1. If I see a problem, I will take responsibility to seek a solution. 

2. If I have a complaint, I will share it with someone who can do something.  

3. If someone is struggling, I will be ready to listen.  

4. If someone needs help, I will pitch in.  

5. If I need help, I will ask for assistance. 

Staff lounges do not have to be places to avoid. In fact, they can become the heart of the school. They can be a place we go for support, encouragement, celebration, and rest. However, creating and maintaining the environment we seek requires clarity, commitment, and cooperation. Totally doable! 

“God, grant me patience, and give it to me right now!” This statement may capture our sentiment in response to dozens of situations we face. This is a time of year when our patience can grow thin. We feel the need to move learning along, but not every student may be ready. Or we may be dealing with off-task and low-commitment behaviors that we allow to accelerate our frustration.  

When students struggle and fail to make the progress we expect, we can become impatient and press harder in response. Yet, our lack of patience often makes the situation worse. Students become anxious and unable to think clearly and work efficiently. The result can be a descending cycle of frustration and emotional upset, leading to even less learning.  

Admittedly, correcting some situations may require more than patience, but without it, progress is likely to be slow and other efforts to correct the situation will suffer. Our patience can offer reassurance and space so that our instruction, coaching, and encouragement can be effective. 

Equally important, increasing our patience can improve our mood, deepen our empathy, and strengthen our relationships. Increased patience makes us better collaborators and coworkers. Patience can also help us to be more successful in reaching goals and achieving long-term career success.  

However, patience is not just a matter of deciding to be patient. While some people have a natural tendency to be more patient, patience is a skill that can be developed and strengthened with strategy and practice. Of course, we also need to be patient with ourselves as we work to strengthen and expand our ability to listen, focus, and encourage our students and their learning. If patience is something we want to build, here are seven actions worth considering: 

• Practice pausing. The space between what happens and how we choose to respond is the door to practicing patience. The good news is that we don’t have to pause long. We used to think that we needed to count to ten in order to allow ourselves time to get hold of our emotions and craft a productive response. However, experts say that if we give ourselves just two seconds, our “gut” response will pass, and we will be able to avoid an emotional eruption. 
• Slow down. Practicing patience is most difficult when we are in a hurry. Rather than allow ourselves to feel rushed, we can consciously let go of our urgency and slow our thinking. Often, the simple act of slowing down allows us to better understand what is happening and how we are reacting. It can also help us to see options and opportunities that we otherwise are likely to miss.  
• Focus on breathing. Focusing on our breathing and choosing to slow the pace and deepen our breaths can break the tension and frustration we feel and allow us to think and make better decisions about what we need to do next.  
• Commit to listening. Listening is among the most powerful strategies for building patience. It shifts our focus from what we are feeling and what we want to do to giving our attention to someone else. When we are really listening, we also often gain new information about the other person and situation. Listening can dispel faulty assumptions, inform our understanding, and keep us from saying or doing things in our frustration that we later regret.  
• Be present. When we focus on what is happening and do not allow our attention to be elsewhere, we are more likely to pick up signals and clues that can help us to better understand the situation and what is needed. On the other hand, when we are preoccupied by what should be happening or needs to happen next, we can find it difficult to be patient and understanding.   
• Identify triggers. There are types of incidents, certain circumstances, or even people who are more likely to try our patience. We can keep track of situations in which we struggle most and search for patterns that may point to common sources of our frustration. Knowing the times, conditions, and people that can lead us to struggle can offer useful insights about where to place our efforts in circumstances when we need to prepare to be patient.  
• Practice acceptance. Being willing to accept circumstances as they are and not allow them to drive our impatience may be the most difficult strategy for practicing patience, especially if we have a strong desire to control. Yet, becoming impatient with things over which we have no control is a waste of energy. When we feel our impatience begin to grow, we can ask ourselves, “Is this something I can control or change?” If not, we might choose to accept the situation and let it go or find something else to focus on that will not lead to frustration and impatience. 

Growing our patience offers multiple benefits for us and others in our lives. When we free ourselves from frequent impatience, we recapture energy that we can allocate to other, more productive endeavors. Meanwhile, those around us are subjected to less tension and gain a more patient teacher, colleague, friend, or family member.