The Master Teacher Blog

Trust is something we may think little about until it is damaged or lost. Yet, trust frees us to take risks. Trust leads us to make suggestions and even disagree without fear of rejection or retribution. Trust can lead us to do a little more and push a little farther because we know our efforts will be noted, supported, and appreciated. Trust frees us from constantly “looking over our shoulder” and seeking reassurance.  

Trust may be thought of as the “grease” that “frees the wheels” of an organization to move easily, with minimum effort. A high level of trust can reduce anxiety, worry, and stress. It can also free our energy to focus on our work and serving students.  

Of course, the events of the past two years have placed serious strain on our trust, confidence, and energy. It is easy to feel as though others are ready to second-guess our decisions and actions. We might worry that, despite our best efforts, getting student learning back on track will take time, and patience may be in short supply. 

Building and restoring high levels of trust in ourselves, each other, and the institutions wherein we work is not an easy task or a quick project. There is also little value in constantly looking for someone or something to blame. On the other hand, the process of focusing on and building high levels of trust can be a therapeutic and energizing one. The actions necessary to build trust can increase our feelings of connectedness, free us to be more open and vulnerable with each other, and give us the confidence to meet the challenges we face. We do not have to have all the answers or avoid every mistake, and we might even stumble. In fact, trust grows from how we respond to not always knowing, making mistakes, or falling victim to occasional stumbles.  

So, how can we build and maintain the level of trust needed to free us to focus on our work with confidence and openness? Dennis Jeffe, writing in Forbes, identifies six building blocks of trust in our relationships and the organizations in which we work. He notes that when any of the building blocks are absent, levels of trust will diminish. If we want to build and reinforce high levels of trust, we can turn to these six elements to inform and prioritize our actions.  

The first building block is reliability and dependability. They are foundational to trust. People want to know that we are true to our word and that we will follow through on our commitments; the same is true for organizations. Being conscientious and committed to the promises we make can build confidence and nurture trusting relationships. 

The second building block, transparency, speaks to openness and timely communication. Keeping secrets and withholding information breed suspicion and distrust. As decisions are considered and made, sharing options to be considered and the thinking behind them can go a long way toward building trust. At the same time, we need to be open and forthright about our thoughts and reactions rather than keeping quiet and then complaining to each other later.  

The third building block is competency. We must take responsibility for our work and build the skills necessary for success. When there is doubt about the competency of those with and for whom we work, it can be difficult to trust. Good intentions and an optimistic outlook are important, but they are not a substitute for competency.  

The fourth building block is sincerity and authenticity. When we speak, others need to know that we believe what we say and that our actions will be consistent with our words. When we attempt to distract or manipulate others for our own purposes, trust suffers.  

The fifth building block is fairness. We want to be confident that consideration and treatment of everyone is driven by respect and even-handedness. Opportunities, decisions, and support need to reflect the interests of all, even if not every decision and action can fully satisfy everyone.  

The final building block of trust is openness and vulnerability. Our willingness to admit mistakes, accept and respect disagreement, and even ask for help invites honest conversation and healthy conflict. Interestingly, when we are willing to admit faults and lack of perfection, it is easier for others to step in, support, and assist when needed. Also, timely admission of mistakes and sincere apologies can be powerful ways to rebuild trust when it has been damaged.  

Building and maintaining high levels of shared trust will not solve every problem, eliminate every pressure, or overcome every challenge. However, when trust is present, every problem, pressure, and challenge is easier to manage and less daunting to face.

As teachers, we can become frustrated with students who seem interested only in the grades they receive rather than valuing the learning they gain. We can also struggle to motivate students who seem to not buy into traditional motivators to complete their work and meet expectations. Further, we can find ourselves feeling disappointed in students who appear to have great potential but only do the bare minimum of what is required.  

What if we could create a learning environment in which students placed a high value on learning—for the sake of learning? What if students persisted in learning efforts even when they make mistakes and struggle? And what if students wanted to learn more about a concept or skill than we have planned to teach? Sound impossible? Here are six strategies we can employ to move students from a passive culture of compliance to a powerful culture of learning.  

First, make learning the focus. To do this, we can value ideas, notice progress, and encourage insight over the assignment of grades. We need to position grades as a reflection of learning—not the reason for it. For example, we might delay the assignment of grades for as long as possible, and we need to be clear about the learning-based criteria that lead to grades. We can frequently and meaningfully remind students that learning is what matters most. In fact, while what one knows may have been their most valuable asset in the past, the skill and drive to learn are what will be valued most in the future.  

Second, honor mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. Specifically, mistakes in learning help us to understand what is yet to be learned. Mistakes happen most often at the leading edge of learning. When we create classroom and learning conditions where mistakes are mined for learning and are used to guide inquiry, embarrassment retreats and learning grows. In other areas of life, students grasp that mistakes are natural and valuable to learning (think video games, sports, and learning to play a musical instrument). We can draw on the role—and value—mistakes play in other areas of life to reassure students and encourage them to leverage and learn from mistakes in academic learning, too.  

Third, value struggle. It’s a fact that when learning is not accompanied by a challenge, it’s likely that very little learning is actually happening. Struggle is most likely to be present when new learning is growing and beginning to take hold. We might discuss with students that amid struggle is where important learning happens. Struggle is not a sign of weakness. New ideas, breakthrough inventions, and important discoveries almost always involve struggle. The fact that we may struggle to learn a skill or concept is less important than what we do with said struggle. That feeling of being stuck in struggle is often a sign that learning is just ahead.  

Fourth, celebrate curiosity. Curiosity is a key driving force of learning. Some of life’s most interesting and rewarding experiences start with being curious. Curiosity is naturally occurring in humans. It can give students a purpose for learning, and it can be the key to unlocking new experiences, generating new ideas, and gaining new insights. However, formal classroom learning too often values compliance over curiosity. Students’ curiosity can feel like a distraction from our structured plans. Yet, it can be a powerful tool for learning. We can stimulate curiosity by asking open-ended questions without a clear or single answer. We can pay attention to the interests of students and build on the curiosity behind them. We might present compelling challenges and dilemmas and then allow students to investigate, engage, and propose solutions before introducing formal instruction.  

Fifth, encourage learning from multiple sources. While our instruction is typically the “backbone” of what stimulates learning, we can nudge, delight in, and respect student learning gained from other sources and through other experiences. Students have a myriad of sources from which they can learn. The more they recognize and draw on other sources, the more independent their learning becomes. As examples, conversations with classmates can lead to new insights, observations from parents can add to understanding, and technology and print media can give access to virtually unlimited information. The key is for us to create reasons for students to seek information, insights, and knowledge beyond our instruction. We might even ask students at the end of a teaching and learning cycle, “What did you learn that I did not teach you?” 

Sixth, honor learning variance. Rather than beginning by focusing on whether students have arrived at a correct answer, we can start by discussing the paths they look to reach their conclusions. Often, we can learn more by understanding what led students to an answer than by the answer itself. Further, by engaging students in the examination of their learning process, we can then better understand and encourage students to respect and hone different ways of learning that work for them. Rarely in life is there only one way to do something. In fact, when we rely on only one way, there is often a better way waiting to be discovered. Providing encouragement for and respecting different ways of learning can honor students who learn differently and provide important examples and alternatives for students who may learn in more traditional ways.   

We must remember that our students may have many years of experience in formal learning environments that have emphasized grades over learning. They may have come to see mistakes and struggles as experiences to be avoided. Curiosity may be something they have reserved for life outside of school; learning in a variety of ways and from varied sources may have even been actively discouraged. Consequently, nurturing a powerful culture of learning may take some time, and we must remember that not everything we try will work immediately. Yet, the opportunity to transform the learning experiences of our students—and prepare them to live in a world where learning is the key to success—is too great to be ignored. 

The cruise control setting on our automobiles offers several benefits. We can set a specific speed and maintain it for extended time, and as a result, we can avoid inadvertently speeding up or slowing down, thus needlessly wasting fuel. Additionally, we can give our foot a rest from constantly pressing on the accelerator. In short, cruise control allows us to maintain a consistent pace without constant attention and adjustment.  

However, cruise control also presents challenges and potential dangers of which we need to remain aware. We can approach road hazards without full attention and anticipation of adaptation. Cruise control does not adjust for curves, intersections, accidents, roadway hazards, or construction zones. For that reason, we need to be attentive and ready to take control well in advance of these highway features and exercise our judgment and skills in order to navigate safely.  

There are times during our careers when we can find ourselves approaching our work as though we are on “cruise control.” Recurring schedules, daily routines, static curriculum, years of experience at the same grade level or teaching the same courses, and other elements of teaching can feel as though one week leads to the next—the same can be said with one quarter, trimester, or semester—to the end of the year at a predetermined pace on an often-repeated path. We set a standard pace to be regularly maintained. We may even use the same lesson plans, handouts, worksheets, and practice activities as previous years.  

Yet, when we place our teaching on cruise control, we risk ignoring and sacrificing important opportunities and elements of the process that can be among the most rewarding aspects of our work. We can also find ourselves in trouble if we fail to recognize the signs and symptoms of what lies ahead. Let’s examine five of the most common dangers we are likely to encounter if we allow our teaching to be on cruise control.  

We can come upon rough spots in the road that demand attention and adjustment before we are aware and prepared. A student who normally is engaged and well-behaved begins to slip; the level of disrespect grows subtly until we realize that it may soon get out of hand. Failing to be fully engaged can leave us reacting to challenges rather than anticipating and adjusting.  

We may not see the upcoming “curve” that will require us to adjust our speed. This year’s students may not have the same characteristics and needs of last year’s students, or the previous year’s lot. We need to be careful not to blame them any more than we would blame the curve in the road. We are the ones who must adjust our speed and respond to changing conditions.  

Our focus on pace can lead us to miss opportunities for creativity, see ways of exploiting the unexpected, and bypass teachable moments. Meanwhile, we can neglect to slow down, give attention, and provide support when students begin to struggle—and before they are too far behind. 

We may speed past timely “rest areas,” where a brief pause and time to stretch, reflect, and refresh are needed. Rest areas on highways are strategically placed to provide rest and respite in a timely manner. We, too, need to keep in mind that learning is challenging, and periodic breaks and opportunities to recalibrate and refresh are important to our students’ ability to remain focused and continue to learn.  

Our default to cruise control can also leave us feeling detached and stale. We risk not experiencing the full measure of our relationships with students and the surprises, delights, and inspirational moments that can unexpectedly present themselves. Over time, leaving our teaching on cruise control can lead to feeling a lack of satisfaction and forgoing a sense of accomplishment.  

Teaching is a demanding profession that can be frustrating and exhausting. It also offers unique opportunities to engage students in experiences of wonder, inspiration, and possibility. As tempting as it might be to occasionally place our teaching on “cruise control” and relax, we risk not being ready when our students need us most and missing the most important and rewarding elements of our work.  

The memory of having listened to someone read to us can conjure feelings of warmth, comfort, and happiness. Listening to someone read to us may have freed us from struggles with unfamiliar words, difficult pronunciations, and complex sentence structures. We were able to listen, imagine, and feel as we became absorbed in story characters, exciting plots, vivid settings, and amazing adventures. The shared experience may have stimulated interesting discussions and ignited vigorous arguments about meaning, motivations, and minute details contained within the stories we heard.  

Reading aloud has long been a tradition in elementary schools. It deserves to remain so. The practice features many important benefits to young readers, including: 

• hearing accomplished reading being modeled 
• practicing listening skills 

• hearing advanced vocabulary and proper pronunciation 
• stimulating imagination and curiosity 
• introducing story structure and components 
• building background knowledge 

Unfortunately, pressure to cover content, competition with technology, and limited time have led some teachers to reduce or even eliminate the practice of reading aloud to their students. Yet, the practice of reading aloud is no less important than it was generations ago.  

Meanwhile, we may think that reading aloud is only important for young learners. This assumption is incorrect. Abandoning the practice of reading aloud for older students is a mistake; in fact, reading aloud offers at least as many benefits to the learning of older students as it does for younger students. Consider that reading aloud to older students can:  

• Expose students to new genres with which students may not engage on their own. Assigning students to read content from a variety of genres can be a start, but for many students, the act of simply reading the words risks them missing the magic that can be conveyed as they listen and imagine the conflicts, emotions, and implications of what they are hearing.  
• Give students without strong reading skills access to more complex and challenging content. Complicated content can present vocabulary struggles and concept challenges that leave students frustrated and disengaged. However, when read aloud, some difficult-to-read vocabulary can be easier to understand. Further, the reader can pause and explain content that is difficult to grasp. Conflicts can be explained, connections can be illustrated, and complex ideas can be simplified to ensure understanding.  
• Create a shared experience for thinking, discussion, and analysis. Rich content can be the starting point used to coach students on critical thinking and reflecting deeply about a topic. It can also stimulate an interest in further exploration and research.  
• Support emphasis on crucial information that might be lost if students are reading independently. Intonation, expression, and pace can add dimension to the text and carry meaning beyond the obvious.  

• Expose students to complete ideas rather than the sound bites and truncated media messages they often encounter in electronic formats. Careful word choice, complex sentence structure, and sophisticated style can nudge students to appreciate language as an art, as well as a function.  
• Build empathy and compassion. Listeners can identify with actors or characters in the text. Listening to text offers opportunities to explore perspectives, enhance understanding of motivation, and build meaningful connections.  

In an age of electronic messaging, digital distractions, and out-of-context information, taking time to read aloud to students can offer an important counterbalance. Meanwhile, the opportunity to share the experience of reading, listening, and discussing can create bonds and build bridges of understanding that are difficult to achieve in almost any other venue.  

Taking breaks to support learning may seem counterintuitive. We might assume that learning results from students listening intently, practicing a new skill, or concentrating on a new concept. Certainly, absorbing information and practicing the application of a new skill are important, but it turns out that brief breaks from focusing and working also play a key role in the process of learning.

In fact, several recent studies have documented that when students are engaged in learning a new concept or skill, a brief time away from intense thinking can increase their rate and depth of learning. A study that utilized highly sensitive brain scans found that when students took a break from learning, their brains remained on the task, flipping between processing the information and storing it in the memory at amazing speeds, repeating the transfer dozens of times in as little as 10 seconds!

Periodic breaks during learning have also been shown to enhance learning focus, increase engagement, improve cognitive functioning, and support other learning-related factors. Failing to give students’ brains opportunities to process new learning risks compromising the work we do to introduce and reinforce said new learning.

The frequency of “brain breaks” matters. Researchers suggest that young learners can benefit from breaks as frequently as every five to fifteen minutes during intense focus and practice. For older students, breaks every twenty to thirty minutes appear optimal. Brain breaks do not have to be long; as little as three to five minutes can be enough for students to be able to refocus and continue learning. Although, when what students have been learning is particularly challenging and exhausting, we may need to extend the break with a walk outside or trip to the gym to run around.  

Furthermore, what students do during brain breaks matters. Physical activities, from standing and stretching to running outside, and from mingle minutes (walking about and conversing with classmates) to dancing beside their desks accompanied by energetic music all are possibilities. We need to consider the age of students, their current levels of energy, and the time and space available to us. The goal is to have students shift their conscious attention away from what they have been learning to allow their brains to process, organize, and refocus. Consequently, whatever we have students do needs to feel like a break, not an extension of what they have already been doing.

The bottom line: Breaks during learning play an important role in allowing the brain to continue its work of moving new information and skills to parts of the brain where they can be integrated and retained. They should not be inserted “if there is time.” Brain breaks need to be part of the design and scheduling of our instruction.

We also need to recognize that we can benefit from brain breaks in our own learning and during our instruction. Our brains have the same needs and can benefit in the same ways from breaks as our students’. Additionally, during our instruction, having a few minutes to reflect and assess how the lesson is going, what adjustments might be made, and where our instruction needs to go next can enhance our effectiveness and renew our energy. So, as it turns out, brain breaks are necessary for us, too!

We know that students’ sense of well-being, ability to remain focused, persistence, and other non-cognitive factors have a significant impact on their learning. The more confident, engaged, and persistent students are, the more they are likely to learn.  

While not measured on most formal and standardized assessments, these are important learning-related elements. In fact, these social-emotional factors, in addition to others, can influence whether learning occurs just as much as academic background and learning skills do.  

Educators have always paid attention to student attitudes, emotional states, and related factors to understand why students may or may not be learning. When students fail to learn, we typically include social-emotional elements in our search for the cause.  

Social-emotional learning (SEL) has gained even greater attention recently. In fact, several surveys of educators have placed SEL among the areas needing highest priority attention in the aftermath of the pandemic. Most schools have introduced some type of SEL program or SEL activities over the past few years.  

However, evaluating whether SEL is making a difference in learning outcomes remains a challenge. We can attempt to understand the status of social-emotional skills and their influence on the learning of students by surveying to learn their experience and perceptions. We may observe students about whom we have concerns, or we may even engage students in conversation to learn how they are feeling and how their social-emotional state and related skills are influencing their ability to learn.  

We know this information is important, but we do not always have current, accurate information upon which to rely to make decisions. Furthermore, the absence of what might be considered “objective data” is often criticized when people challenge the effectiveness of SEL efforts. So, what if we had access to this information in near real time for all our students? Increasingly, we do.  

Researchers and developers have been working for years to create and refine tools to harvest this information using technology. By monitoring keystrokes, eye movements, and even facial expressions, technology can capture information about an individual’s focus, engagement, and understanding. Indicators such as the content students choose to view, how long they view that content, and if they struggle and become stuck can provide information about persistence, problem solving, decision making, and other skills and behaviors.  

Obviously, this information holds the potential to inform educators, guide instructional strategies, and track trends and progress. It also raises significant questions about the extent to which collecting information in this manner invades the privacy of students, especially if they are not fully aware that the information is being collected, analyzed, and reported. However, as the focus on social-emotional skills and learning receives increasing attention, popularity, and focus, openness to collecting and using this type of information has also grown.  

Once again, technology is challenging us to consider what information can be collected and used versus what information should be collected and how it should be used. Obviously, such information could be abused and cause harm to students, but it also holds the potential to provide feedback to learners, position educators to intervene early when students struggle, and build students’ social-emotional skills where needed.  

The questions are hard, and the answers are not easy. Like technology development in other areas, ethical dilemmas accompany opportunities. We need to ask: 

• Are the rewards significant enough to outweigh potential dangers? 
• Is informing students and families enough to satisfy ethical considerations?  
• Should students and families be able to opt out of social-emotional data collection?  
• Who will retain this information, and how can we avoid having the information used to judge, assign potential, and classify students without their knowledge and control?  

Every week, it seems that technology opens new doors, poses new questions, and presents new challenges for us to consider. Now more than ever, we must be clear and critical in our thinking, guided by our values, and centered on the best interests of our students.  

Standardized tests have been a staple of American education for generations. They play a role in determining everything from student retention and acceleration to assignment for remediation services and eligibility for gifted classes. They influence academic awards and post-secondary scholarships. Standardized test scores can even determine state-assigned grades for school rankings and make or break school reputations.  

Given the high-stakes consequences associated with standardized test scores, we might assume that these assessments provide an accurate and comprehensive measure of learning performance and potential, offer predictive power for future success, and reflect equitable opportunities for learners regardless of background, economic status, and culture. We might think that schools with high test scores must be particularly effective, while schools with lower scores must be deficient in some important ways and thus deserve shame, blame, and intervention. 

Yet, when we consider how standardized tests are constructed and administered, what they are designed to measure, and what their results can offer, a very different picture emerges. Let’s explore five ways in which learners, our communities, and we ourselves can be misled by over-reliance on test scores as measures of learning, performance, and potential.  

First, standardized tests are designed to capture narrow information about certain academic knowledge and skills. While they can provide some information on student knowledge in subjects such as math, science, and English, standardized tests do not measure other important areas of knowledge and skill; they typically ignore student abilities to solve complex problems, think creatively and critically, or show artistic ability. Yet these areas of knowledge, skill, and potential are highly valued and necessary for success in future careers—and life itself.   

Second, year-to-year comparisons of test scores typically do not reflect learning growth, as they do not compare the same group of students from one year to the next. Consequently, shifts upward or downward in grade-level scores are comparisons to the performance of the previous year’s group of test takers, so while the test questions may reflect consistent grade-level learning expectations, different students are responding to them. Year-to-year comparisons alone tell us little about how the learning of any group of students is growing, static, or falling behind.  

Third, standardized test score comparisons can mask the work of some effective schools and overstate the performance of other, less effective schools. Typically, schools in more affluent areas attain higher test scores. Not surprisingly, the students they serve typically come from families that have a history of success in formal education and are able to equip their students with robust background knowledge and experience. Test scores in these schools can be as heavily influenced by what students bring with them to school as by their school experience. Meanwhile, schools serving less advantaged students may be generating higher rates of learning but are still achieving lower test scores. In fact, a recent study conducted at Stanford University found that when test scores were compared with a focus on the amount of student learning growth generated, lower-scoring schools in large metropolitan school districts frequently demonstrated more learning growth than schools serving more affluent and advantaged students in suburbs and elsewhere.  

Fourth, efforts to build students’ learning engagement, ownership, independence, and efficacy are rarely measured by standardized tests. Yet, these skills can have a determinative influence on students’ ability and commitment to be lifelong learners in addition to heavily influencing their success beyond formal education. As students are focused on developing these key learning and life skills, their standardized test scores often do not grow as rapidly as those of students in learning environments with a heavy focus on test scores, even though over time their learning may serve them far better.  

Fifth, standardized test scores are not highly predictive of future college success. In fact, grade point average (GPA) is a far better predictor of the likelihood that students will succeed in higher education than the most popular college entrance exams. A recent study involving Chicago Public School students found that GPAs are five times stronger predictors of college success than the test scores on which colleges have relied for decades.  

Standardized tests can play a role in collecting and reporting information about student academic performance, but they are far from infallible, and they rarely offer a comprehensive picture of what and how well students are learning. Obviously, there is a need to reduce our reliance on scores associated with standardized tests. We also need to broaden our perspective and begin collecting more learning-related information to gain a more complete—and more accurate—picture of how our students are learning and growing.  

The sources of the regrets we experience are many and varied. They can come from spur-of-the-moment actions, such as speaking before thinking or acting in response to out-of-control emotions. They can result from failing to intervene when our actions might have prevented needless hurt or provided needed help. Regret can also grow from life decisions with long-term consequences such as ignoring important factors before making choices, allowing fear and uncertainty to keep us from pursuing an important goal or life opportunity, or failing to recognize the signs and symptoms of an unhealthy relationship. In short, regret can result from both what we do and what we do not do, and it can result in missed opportunities and lead to negative consequences for others and us.

Regret is one of our most frequently felt emotions and can influence our emotional, cognitive, and physical well-being. It can lead to feelings of guilt, disappointment, and helplessness. Regret can also have a negative impact on our physical health through lack of sleep and loss of appetite. Furthermore, regret can even make us vulnerable to illnesses.  

So, what can we do when we experience regret? Here are some steps to consider. 

If it is not too late, we can fix the situation. If we need to apologize, we should do it quickly and sincerely. The sooner we act, the better able we are to prevent ongoing regret. If our regret originates from a life decision, we can examine whether there still are opportunities to change our course and correct the situation. We may regret a decision about the direction of our education, engaging in a relationship, or making a career change; yet, there may remain opportunities to pursue a direction that leads to an equally satisfying outcome. Acting to counter or correct situations causing regret can be the best antidote.  

We can accept our feelings. We may need to give ourselves some time to heal. Meanwhile, we can direct our energy to something productive, and doing so will make us feel good. Creating a distraction can make us less apt to ruminate on our regrets, particularly in the short term.  

When our regret involves a decision pertaining to our life’s direction, we can resist idealizing the path not chosen. Even though we may encounter frustrations and setbacks in the path we have chosen, the path not chosen would likely offer an equal measure of disappointments and struggles. We can also step back and reflect on the information we had at the point of deciding. Realizing that we made the best decision we could have made, considering what we knew at the time, can help us to let go and move forward.  

We can resist making excuses. We may believe that excuses justify our behavior in the eyes of others, but we know better. Excuses do little to improve the situation, and we continue to feel the regret.  

We can forgive ourselves. If we find self-forgiveness too difficult, we can choose to focus elsewhere and to engage in activities that can offer satisfaction and make our lives—and others’ lives—better. We may not be able to change the past, but we can create a future that is more productive, satisfying, and impactful.  

If the source of our regret cannot be rectified, we can focus on what we can learn and how we can avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. A bad choice in the past does not mean we cannot, or will not, make better choices in the future. However, obsessing can compromise our ability to make the best decisions in circumstances we have yet to face.  

We can use the experience to set new goals. How will we respond to similar situations in the future? What can we do to create more positive outcomes with the decisions we make? Setting and working toward worthy goals can offer an effective counterbalance to our regret.  

Over time, our feelings of regret, if handled in a healthy manner, can lead us to better understand why we thought and acted in the way we did. Our insights can lead to less guilt and pain; as a result, we can then gain new insights about how we can better handle similar situations in the future. Additionally, our insights can lead us to be more forgiving of others when their actions result in hurt and disappointment for us. So, while feelings of regret might be inevitable, what steps we take to move past them can ultimately benefit us and those around us and pave the way for growth. 

It may seem like a small thing, but how we choose to respond when we do not fully understand the motivation behind the words and actions of others matters a lot; in fact, it often matters more than we realize. The meaning we assign and interpretation we give to what we do not fully grasp can have major consequences for our relationships, productivity, and happiness. When we assume that the intentions of others are negative, hurtful, or harmful toward us, we can set in motion a negative spiral that leads to misunderstanding, conflict, and mistrust, even when neither party planned—nor would choose—such an outcome. Yet, for most of us, assuming the worst when we do not know or understand the motivation behind the words and actions of others is more common than we might want to admit.  

On the other hand, assuming the positive intentions of others, even when we are not sure of their motivations, can lead to a myriad of positive outcomes. In fact, assuming positive intentions is the first step in building and maintaining trust, whether that be in personal relationships, with colleagues, on teams, or when engaging with strangers.  

Assuming positive intentions: 

• Leads to better, more trusting relationships. 
• Creates better opportunities for understanding and resolving conflicts. 
• Reduces anxiety and stress. 
• Lessens the likelihood of embarrassment and the need for apologies due to misunderstanding. 
• Leads to a better outlook on life. 
• Encourages others to respond with trust. 

So, how can we take advantage of the benefits of assuming positive intentions? Here are five steps to accomplish just that.  

First, we can cultivate the habit of suspending judgement and wait to draw conclusions until we are aware of the full circumstances behind what we hear and observe. When we assume negative motivations or are suspicious of something or someone, we tend to look for “evidence” to support our thinking. Rather than doing that, it is best to begin with a positive, or at least neutral, stance. As a result, we can avoid later having to apologize for our misunderstanding and then backtracking. An added benefit is that a positive stance often leads the other person to be less suspicious and more ready to collaborate. 

Second, we might choose to take a position of curiosity. Start with the question, “I wonder why?” There may be things we do not know or understand. We might ask ourselves questions such as the following: What experience do we have with this person? What reasons might we have to not trust this person? What else might we need to learn?  

Third, we can listen. Our initial goal, after all, is to understand. What do we need to know? We should try to understand the other person’s real motivations. We can listen for the context in which the other person is acting and speaking. What problems or challenges might the other person be facing? What worries and fears might be driving their behavior? 

Fourth, we would do well to share our intentions. Having the other person guess whether we come with positive intentions risks further complicating the situation. When we share our positive intentions toward others, we can lower pressure, openly communicate, and increase understanding. 

Fifth, if we discover the other person’s motives are not positive, then we can respond in an informed and measured way. If someone’s motive is to hurt or take advantage of us, we can respond assertively and take steps to protect ourselves, and we will be doing so with a more accurate understanding of the situation. Regardless, it is important to note that we do not necessarily give up any advantage when we start with the assumptions that the other person’s motives are positive. 

Life is full of faulty assumptions, misunderstandings, and conflicts, and there are few benefits, if any, associated with adding to the challenges life routinely presents to us. Fortunately, when we assume the positive intentions of others, we can sidestep unnecessary pain, embarrassment, and regret, while simultaneously building a path of trust.