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Today’s Game-Changing Leadership Behavior: Empathy

We often talk about empathy as an important skill and characteristic demonstrated by successful leaders, especially during times of disruption and crisis. Empathy can be the bridge that helps us reach across today’s physical and social distancing to create emotional connections. Empathy can help us sense when frustration, fear, and stress may be growing and getting in the way of people’s ability to focus, invest, and do their best work. It may seem like empathy is a “nice to have” behavior that can supplement hard facts and reality. Yet, research shows that when leaders focus on the needs of employees, employees are four times more likely to produce high quality work. In fact, “hard facts” can be misleading if not understood in the context of the people who are associated with them. So, what are key elements of empathy and how can we demonstrate it? Here are five behaviors that can build and help us benefit from empathy. We can start by being fully present with others. For example, during meetings we can resist the temptation to check our phones and read emails. Avoiding distractions can help us to tune in to conversations and discussions at deeper levels and reduce the possibility that we miss a key comment or nonverbal signal that carries an indirect message about what people are really thinking and feeling. Second, we can commit to talking less and listening more. Obviously, talking is how we convey what we are thinking and expecting. Yet, listening can give us crucial information about what our words mean to those around us. Listening can help us gain insights and shape our message. Even if we disagree with what we hear, it provides us with an opportunity to build understanding of and appreciation for the perspectives of others. The old saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason” applies here. Third, we can focus our attention on emotional signals around us. Emotions provide context for words and often convey information that will never find its way into words. Tuning in to emotions can provide key clues to understanding what people need and want from us and their work. Decades old research has shown that more than 50% of what is communicated between people is conveyed outside of words. The research still holds and is worth our attention. Fourth, we can be curious. Asking questions about experiences, perspectives, worries, hopes, aspirations, and other aspects of people’s lives not only gives us valuable information to help understand them, it conveys interest and respect. Often the simple question, “Why?” can open doors to understanding and give us access to information that otherwise would have been left unshared and unexplored. Fifth, we can anticipate. The first four elements of empathy give us access to nearly unlimited information to inform our thinking, shape our messaging, and align our actions with what will engage, inspire, reassure, and motivate. The understanding and insights we possess can help us to avoid unnecessary confusion and minimize misunderstanding, especially when clarity is crucial to move forward together. Remarkably, empathy not only helps others feel our caring, concern, and commitment, it can provide crucial insights and help guide our leadership. There may never have been a time when empathy is more important and valuable than it is today.

October 12, 2020

Finding and Living in the New Normal

At some point in our lives, most of us relocated from one community to another, even if just temporarily, such as going off to college. At first everything seemed strange. Routines we used to take for granted no longer fit. Places we used to go are no longer available. We were often surrounded by new people who may not be exactly like those we left behind. In short, life felt like anything but normal. Yet, before long we developed new routines. We found stores to buy what we needed, medical professionals to rely on, and other resources to bring stability to life. Even the people who once seemed so new became friends and coworkers. We adjusted to the “new normal.” Our institutions, staff, students, and other stakeholders are experiencing something similar right now. In retrospect, life may have been hectic and stress-filled, but it was familiar and mostly predictable. Much of what we face now is new, unfamiliar, and uncertain. Of course, we do not know if what we are experiencing will be temporary or become our more long-term new normal. Yet, how we think about what we are going through will make a significant difference in how and whether we adjust and how successful we will be in the coming months and beyond. If our perspective is that we just need to hold on for a while and everything will return to normal, we are less likely to build strong, sustainable systems and acquire skills and habits that will ensure success in the current context. We risk becoming focused on just getting through rather than committing to success now. The truth is that we cannot and will not ever go back to exactly how things were before the pandemic. We have confronted new challenges, crafted new solutions, and discovered problems and issues that existed previously, but were not recognized and addressed. We are different and so are members of our staff, our learners, our families and even our communities. Rather than continuously “looking over our shoulders,” wishing for what was, we have a special opportunity to engage, embrace, and press forward in today’s reality. There is much to gain by treating what we are experiencing as the new normal: It is the new normal. Stakeholders who are looking to us for insight, encouragement, priorities, and vision need us to help them embrace this new normal too. Instead of becoming stuck in what was, and may never be the same again, we need to help them thrive where they are. Here are some places to start:

Remind everyone that our mission and values have not changed, but we can apply them in new contexts and new ways. We can discover together new routines and practices that remain consistent with who we are and what we value.
Focus on where we are going and what we are committed to accomplishing, rather than looking back and relying on what used to be.
Build new systems that reflect and support today’s work and challenges. The sooner everyone becomes accustomed to what the current situation demands, the sooner everyone will feel more comfortable and “normal.”
Look for new practices and processes developed in the new context that can be carried forward, if and when we return to life that looks and feels more like a year ago than what we are experiencing today.
Of course, forgive yourself for occasionally longing for the “old days.” But refuse to become preoccupied and paralyzed by what was.

October 02, 2020

Feel the Fear and Lead Anyway

Being a leader today in the midst of a pandemic is like operating inside a video game; in order to get to the next level and rack up points you have to slay the dragon, find your way out of the maze, and scale the wall before you are pelted by fireballs. And if you fail at any of these tasks, you are sent back to the beginning only to have to do it all over again. However, if you are lucky enough to be successful, you are rewarded by getting to the next level where the challenges are even more difficult. If you have played video games, you know that it takes a certain level of learned confidence to stay in the game. But you also know that you are the most vulnerable when you are the most confident. That’s because the minute you let your guard down, you are likely to miss the threat that is right in front of you. Handling the COVID-19 crisis is no game to be sure. And fear—our own and other’s—is real and is not likely to go away any time soon. We would love to have some of our old confidence back and get a break from the pressure of dodging landmines. And we desperately need some certainty in our lives. But because that may not be forthcoming, we need to learn to lead with confident uncertainty. In order to do so, we need to follow these maxims:

Know that you are the most vulnerable when you are the most confident, so fear can be your ally.

If you know something is likely to fail, fail quickly and adapt immediately.

You will feel afraid. Feel the fear and lead anyway, remembering that your greatest potential is often straight through your biggest fear. *

Then ponder these questions and take the appropriate leadership action.

What is no longer working that needs to change?
What’s one promise you need to make?
What’s one risk you need to take?

And then remember this quote from Ambrose Redmoon: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” *Groeschel, C. (2020, August). GLS2020 Session notes: Leading through the dip. Global Leadership Network. https://globalleadership.org/articles/leading-others/session-notes-leading-through-the-dip/

September 28, 2020

Ten Questions to Guide What You Will Do Next

One of the most challenging aspects of planning and responding during the pandemic is the need to consider and adjust to changing conditions. It would be great if we could assess the current situation and circumstances and make decisions that will carry the organization forward for an extended time. Unfortunately, conditions related to the pandemic change constantly and quickly. Outside experts and governing forces often shift advice and expectations. Stakeholders often move from supporting one approach to advocating another. Consensus can quickly dissolve. Through all of this “shifting sand” we are expected to see into the future while satisfying current expectations. When conditions shift, stakeholders look to us to know what comes next and to have a plan ready to launch. Obviously, it is impossible to anticipate everything that may have an impact on how instruction is provided and learning is experienced. We cannot have endless plans that take into account every factor and influence that must be assessed and responded to. Neither can we just “fly blind” without guidelines and decision rules to inform what will come next. Still, there is a middle course that can prepare the organization and your team to shift and respond to the most likely forces that will demand a change, whether to move to a more restrictive and remote learning environment or return to some less restrictive form of face-to-face learning. Here are ten questions you can use to guide your planning and preparation without having to know all of what lies ahead. Question #1: What conditions will trigger a change in approach? This question directs attention to what needs to happen to make a change. As examples, reductions in infection rates, modifications to brick and mortar facilities, extended periods without new cases, or significant new outbreaks could trigger a change in approach. The conditions you identify can guide decisions and provide a clear rationale for making a change. Question #2: How were the conditions established? The conditions are essentially criteria to stimulate an action. However, who participated in establishing the criteria, the expertise consulted in establishing them, and the clarity the criteria provide are important elements for decisions to be accepted. Question #3: How have the conditions been communicated? The extent to which stakeholders are aware of and understand the criteria will make a difference in whether decisions based on them will be accepted. Also, transparency surrounding the application of the criteria can be important, especially if the decision will lead to greater restrictions and inconvenience. Question #4: What needs/fears/confusion need to be anticipated and planned for? Despite having communicated the process and criteria for making decisions, when changes are announced and reality changes, it is likely that people will need more information. There will be confusion, and some level of fear will likely surface. The more these reactions can be anticipated and prepared for, the more likely the change will be accepted, or at least tolerated. Question #5: What preparation/planning/practicing will be necessary to put the change of course in place? It can be one thing to develop plans. It can be another to put them successfully into action. Such activities as table-top simulations, “gaming out” reactions, and having those responsible for elements of the plan practice how they will act and react can make a crucial difference in preparedness. Question #6: What resources will be required to make the change? It is unlikely that a significant change in approach to learning and instruction can be accomplished without requiring some additional resources. The more resource supports that can be identified and put in place early, the smoother the process will play out. Question #7: What are potential reactions/resistances/forces that could have an impact on the plan? Rumors, social media, fake news, and other reactions can quickly develop into resistance and pushback to even the most logical and creative decisions. Thinking through what might happen, tapping past experience, and monitoring events in neighboring communities can be extremely useful to your anticipation of these activities. Question #8: What planning and preparation need to be completed in response to potential surprises and resistance? Once you have a reasonable understanding of what reactions and resistance you may encounter, think through how you might prevent, avoid, or manage what surfaces. For example, you might have drafts of blogs, potential tweets, or Facebook posts ready to respond and head off problems before they fully develop. Question #9: What potential opportunities may surface for which you need to be prepared to leverage? Not everything that happens in response to the changes you have to make will be negative and resistive. Think through what opportunities might surface to improve learning, lessen confusion and resistance, and build support and credibility. Question #10: Who will decide that conditions meet the criteria to change and how will the decision be made? Even the best decisions can become derailed if processes are not clear and followed. If the school board must make the decision, identify the data and materials members will need. If the administrative team will make the call, clarify how and when board members and other key stakeholders will be informed. Knowing and responding to expectations about how key people will be informed can make the difference between acceptance and support and pushback and undermining.

September 14, 2020

Five Things Your Staff Needs From You Now

Hopefully, you and your staff are settling into what has become the “new normal,” at least for now. Of course, not every issue has been settled and more challenges likely lie ahead. Meanwhile, ongoing uncertainty and disruption are predictably resulting in high levels of stress and confusion among those who are depending on your leadership. Obviously, we cannot control all of the variables and predict everything that lies ahead. The good news is that most people do not expect us to. However, they are watching closely to see several signals and behaviors in our leadership. The more of these elements they hear and see, the more they will trust and follow our lead. On the other hand, if these elements are largely missing in our leadership, we can expect more questions, greater resistance, and increased criticism.

Clarity. Those who are depending on us to show the way forward, point attention in the right direction, and focus on what is most important want assurance that we are clear about our priorities. They want to know that regardless of what happens we will not abandon the mission of the organization, compromise key principles, or abandon long-held, shared beliefs. The greater clarity they see in us, the more confidence they will feel that our decisions will be well-grounded and driven by what matters most.
Confidence. We may not always feel confident in the choices we have to make or our personal skills to prevail. However, those who are depending on us need to hear that we are confident that together we will succeed. We do not have to be superwoman or superman, but we can be the source of collective confidence and mutual reassurance of the power we possess when we work together.
Commitment. Most indications are that we will be in the fight against the virus and the disruption it is has created for some time. Our persistence, grit, and unwillingness to become distracted can offer a powerful model for others to emulate. It also offers reassurance that we will do our best and not quit on them or the work to be done.
Empathy. The challenges we face are shared throughout the organization. Of course, we are most aware of the pressure and difficulty we are experiencing. Yet, stress and challenges are a part of life for just about everyone. People need to hear and feel that we understand their experiences, appreciate their struggles, and are committed to supporting them. In truth, we can never show too much empathy.
Vulnerability. While those around us want to trust and have confidence in our leadership, they accept that we do not have all the answers, nor should we. Our willingness to ask questions, accept advice, and listen to varying opinions communicates authenticity, not weakness. Allowing others to contribute and invest in finding solutions and solving problems creates a sense of shared commitment. It can also serve us and the organization well when the unexpected happens or we need to change course to move forward.

Not every day will be filled with clarity about priorities, feelings of confidence, or unlimited energy to feed our commitment. We may not always see the world as it is experienced by others, and we will not always be comfortable in our vulnerability. Yet, these are among the most powerful sources of leadership we can tap, especially now.

September 03, 2020

Accept Your Vulnerability and Suit Up

Not since the middle of the last century with the outbreak of Polio has there been such a time as this. Not even the AIDS epidemic, nor the more recent pandemics have caused such universal distress. This COVID enemy is uncontrollable and ruthless. We can use everything we know to try to fight it, yet our experience tells us there are people who will rebuff our attempts. There are those who refuse to wear masks or keep their distance. Young people congregate in masses and we are at a loss to stop them. Yet, these actions put others at risk. It can seem as though the forces against a safe and successful path forward are unstoppable. On top of our professional responsibilities, we have our students, parents, and colleagues, as well as ourselves and our family members to take care of. And that too can feel like an endless and overwhelming task. So, what’s the answer? In truth, there isn’t one single proven answer at this time. But we can adopt a helpful frame of mind: Suit up and be vulnerable. These two actions, on their face, may seem like opposing things. They’re not. In fact, they are two powerful elements of successful leadership, especially in times like these. Some days we need to suit up with a formal suit that says “leader,” other days with the team uniform. But every day we need to be ready to do what’s in the best interest of our organizations and the people we are charged to keep learning and stay safe. When we “suit up” we actually start to prepare ourselves to win—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and not merely endure our circumstances. Suiting up mentally also helps us reach inside and activate and draw upon core principles, knowledge, skills, and other strengths we possess. In our case, the battle is about preparing this generation of students for their future. It’s about keeping students and their teachers and support staff safe—so that they have a future. It’s about feeding those students who wouldn’t have two meals a day without our efforts. It’s about making sure every student and every staff member feels seen and heard—and so much more. It’s a tall order. But it’s what we got into this profession to do. If we don’t suit up with the positive intent and passion for nurturing and protecting young people every day —we won’t win the battle. In the absence of easy answers, our real strength, perhaps even our super-power, is to lean into our vulnerability—another keen aspect of our human reality. We do not have to behave as though we have all the answers. We can give others space and encouragement to reflect, imagine, and propose answers to the challenges we face without abandoning our leadership or devaluing our strengths. When we access our vulnerability, the barriers that divide us and arouse our fears begin to crumble and we open ourselves up to the ideas of many others who come to our aide and can help us solve the problems that confront us. Ironically, when we do, it motivates both us and them. We also put ourselves in a position to learn. And it is this mindset of learning that will propel us and our mission forward in new and more productive ways. In truth, all of us are feeling incredibly vulnerable now—because we are. It isn’t a weakness. It’s simply a condition—and one that we can use to unite us rather than divide us. The path before us will not be easy. But know that in actuality, we may experience our biggest victories now. There certainly has never been a time when our leadership was needed more. We won’t get the answers we seek every day, but if we stay alert, suit up, and stay vulnerable, solutions will appear.

September 03, 2020

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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Advance, Retreat, Adjust, Repeat

The decisions we are having to make right now in the frontier of this new environment can riddle the most confident leader with anxiety. Every path we go down seems to be punctuated with difficulties. Bain and Company, a research firm, suggests that the organizations that adopt the mindset of Advance, Retreat, Adjust, Repeat will come through this period as winners. It may look like this: Make a decision to move forward in a specific direction (Advance), listen to the responses you hear about the mistakes you made that will cause you to have to back up (Retreat), learn from listening and your mistakes and try something new (Adjust), and then (Repeat) the process. In truth, this is what we ask students to do every day—and we deem it the height of learning. Consider the fact that leadership anxiety stems from fear of making mistakes and then having to deal with the consequences. The need to be right in every situation can actually paralyze a leader and lock him or her into short sighted positions that keep the organization and the people in it from learning from mistakes and finding creative new ways to move forward. In reality, there are no totally right discussions in an environment of such huge uncertainty. A close look will reveal that perfection has never been the real condition. Rather, we are imperfect people, leading imperfect students, in an imperfect classroom and school, community, state, nation, and world. But, if we move forward with an adjustable mindset, an ability to admit our mistakes when we make them (and we surely will make them), and an eye for creative solutions, we will be leading a much more vibrant school or district quicker than we thought possible.

August 31, 2020

Three Questions Tell You What You Need to Know—Now

The first weeks of school will reveal the flaws in your plan, but you may not see them. They may be more obvious to others than to you. These are times when we cannot know everything. Complexity, shifting conditions, and the absence of clear direction are present everywhere. No matter how much effort and attention we give, there is always more that we could or need to know. Consequently, we need strategies to avoid potential blind spots and to avoid hearing only what those around us think we want to hear. Of course, openness to disagreement and willingness to accept difficult or bad news are important habits to cultivate. Still, unless we take specific steps to ensure that we are hearing what we need to know and pay attention to, we risk overlooking or being shielded from information important to our leadership and the success of the organization, especially in these challenging times. We can expand and extend the radius of information we receive and process by frequently asking three questions of ourselves and those with whom we regularly interact. First, we can take a direct approach by asking, “What do I not know that you think I need to hear?” This question invites reluctant colleagues to offer insights, perspectives, and information that can expand our knowledge and understanding without having to introduce uncomfortable topics without an invitation. Even in response to this question, we need to listen carefully for what is not being said directly if we want to fully understand what we need to know. Second, we can pose the question, “What would you ask if you were me?” This question can be used with close colleagues and less familiar members of groups and teams. It is less risky to respond to than the first question, because it does not commit the responder to providing uncomfortable information or challenging our opinions or perspectives. However, it can provide important clues to information and experiences about which we need to learn more. Third, we can ask ourselves, “What can I glean and learn from the resistance, criticism, and skepticism I am hearing and feeling?” There are reasons behind the behavior of those around us. It can be tempting to dismiss negative feedback, but we often do so at our own peril. Only by taking the time to listen, reflect, and ask clarifying questions can we gain crucial insights that save us from missteps and offer new ways of communicating and leading that represent a path to greater success.

August 24, 2020

It’s Time to Share What You Have Learned

The past several months have been a time of learning. Not all of the lessons we learned were planned, anticipated, or even welcomed. Yet, everyone has been exposed to conditions and expectations that have called for adjustment, experimentation, and persistence. Teachers have learned to instruct and engage with students in new ways. Some educators learned to expand and refine strategies they have used in the past. Others have had to transform their approach and adopt new tools. Students have also experienced a new context for learning. They have had to adjust to new ways of being instructed and novel ways of learning. Some adjusted easily. Others have struggled. Still others stepped back from learning completely and will learn the consequences soon. Much has been written and shared about the lessons teachers and students have learned. Some of these lessons will inform good learning and teaching practices going forward. Others were lessons that demonstrated what not to do and were likely abandoned as soon as conditions allowed them to fall away. Much less has been written and discussed about what educational leaders have learned. Yet, recognizing and sharing what we have learned is important, maybe even crucial, to the success of our leadership and the reassurance of those who will depend on us to lead in the uncertain and challenging weeks ahead. Now is a perfect time to capture and share lessons you have learned during the pandemic. Some of the lessons may reflect how you experienced and view the challenges faced and how you view those that lie ahead. Others may be accidental insights growing out of rapidly changing circumstances. Still others may be lessons you learned about how not to lead. These can be especially important because they are true measures of learning, not just an application of previously possessed knowledge and skills. You might also share who taught you key lessons and how you learned them. Don’t be timid about apologizing when the learning of a key lesson may have involved missteps, mistakes and even caused hurt to someone around you. Your openness about your learning conveys a message of earnestness and commitment to be a learner. It also communicates your willingness to be vulnerable; one of the key characteristics of leaders who succeed in uncertain, confusing, and challenging times, like we are experiencing now. Of course, many priorities are competing for your time, but as a leader of a learning organization, sharing what you have learned can be a potent model and key connector within the education community. Taking the time to reflect on, capture, and share your learning may pay greater dividends than you can imagine.

August 17, 2020

Reconnecting with Staff

Welcoming staff back after the summer break is always an important part of the process of renewing relationships and positioning the organization for success in the new year. This year, the process is even more important. Not only is this the start of a new school term, it represents the first time many staff members may have been physically present in school since face-to-face instruction was interrupted in the spring. Many staff members will likely be returning with “unfinished business” from the spring. For some, the spring was a bewildering, stress-filled experience that undermined their confidence and left them feeling as though no matter how hard they tried, they were unable to find their professional stride. They found themselves unable to reach students in the ways to which they were accustomed. For others, the spring was a time of loneliness and separation that left them longing for connections and mutual support. Still others may have learned new skills and discovered new tools to support learning. Now they want to find ways to integrate what they have learned within the teaching and learning context they will experience as school opens. With this reality in mind, we can employ a three-step process for welcoming staff regardless of the experience they may have had during the final months of the spring term. First, staff members need to hear that we understand the experience, challenges, and difficulties they faced. They need to know that we appreciate their flexibility, conscientiousness, and commitment despite the circumstances. Further, they want to be reassured of our confidence in their ability to meet the challenges that lie ahead. Of course, they need to hear these sentiments in our words, but they also need to feel it in the tone of our messages. Their assurance of our empathy, confidence in them, and commitment to support their success can have a powerful influence on how they will begin the year. Second, staff members need to see and feel these messages in our actions. We can start by adopting the phrase “tell me” as we engage with employees. As examples:

Tell me what you need.
Tell me how I can help.
Tell me how you are feeling.
Tell me what questions you have.

Our willingness to ask and our commitment to listen will make a significant difference to our staff regardless of their experience in the spring. Staff who struggled will be reassured that we are committed to their success even though they may have fallen short of their own expectations. Staff who suffered from separation will be reassured that we understand their need and want to reconnect with them. Staff who learned, grew, and succeeded in the spring will be reassured that we notice and want to support them as they apply their new skills and insights. Third, we need to follow up and follow through with what we hear. Inviting people to share their thinking and needs is the first step. The credibility of our concern and commitment resides in what people see us do as a result. Following up and following through does not necessarily mean we deliver on everything or that everyone will get what they want. Rather, it means that we take their concerns and wishes seriously and do what we can to improve their experience. When we are able to make an adjustment or grant a request, we reinforce our leadership commitment. Yet, even when we cannot satisfy every need or request, our commitment to loop back with an update or explanation of our efforts and the situation can make a lasting, positive difference.

August 10, 2020

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