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Four Secrets to Making Stress Work for You

We typically view stress as a negative feeling, but not all stress is bad. Nor is all stress equal. In fact, stress is often a driver of success and can motivate us to achieve important outcomes. Researchers often divide the stresses we experience into two categories: distress and eustress. Distress is typically experienced as negative. It can make us anxious, worried, and concerned. Examples of distress might include fear related to future events, feelings of separation and isolation, and circumstances and expectations that feel beyond our control. Eustress, on the other hand, is more likely to lead us to feel excited, motivated, and focused. Examples might include new and significant life and work challenges, taking on new responsibilities, and learning new skills. While we might assume it is the life experience, event, or force that will determine whether we feel positive or negative stress, the nature and power of the stress we feel is more likely to be determined by our perception of and reaction to what confronts us. The same event or experience can create distress for some people and eustress for others. This fact is important because it implies that we have the potential to control and redirect our attention and energy to reduce feelings of negative stress and increase the presence and intensity of positive stress. Exercising our ability to shift the nature of the stress we feel is important in that persistent distress can:

sap our energy and increase fatigue,
rob us of sleep,
threaten our physical health,
undermine our emotional and psychological health, and
lead to conflicts and challenges in our relationships.

So, how can we convert distress into eustress? We can start by finding an element or aspect of the stressor over which we can claim control. We might focus on our preparation for an upcoming event. We can find a creative or innovative way to approach the challenge. Or, we might enlist the assistance and coaching of a trusted advocate to help us navigate the situation. The key is to identify and claim control in ways that shift our focus and experience from powerless to powerful. Second, we can identify and focus on short term goals and actions that break down experiences and situations that feel overwhelming and thus create negative stress. Charting a course toward success, even if in the short term, can build confidence and create momentum. Equally important, even small success and moderate progress can reveal opportunities and create new options that would not have been obvious before. Third, we can explore and analyze the situation or challenge we face to better understand what it represents and how we might respond. We can use what we discover to create a list of potential options for our response and action. When the list is complete, we can choose the option or options with the greatest potential for success. Having chosen a path in which we have confidence can go a long way to reducing anxiety and increasing our positive stress. Fourth, we can claim our ability to choose. Regardless of the circumstances we face, we always have a choice. We can focus on negative and uncertain aspects of a situation or resolve to find positive elements and opportunities to which we can give our attention and energy. A fact of life is that we tend to find what we look for. The more we expect positive experiences and outcomes, the more likely we are to find them. We can choose our attitude. We decide what to expect. We determine where to focus our attention. Often, these choices make the difference between whether we are discouraged and feel distress or are optimistic and experience the energy of eustress.

January 25, 2021

Five Ways to Regain Control in Life–Even Now

We want to feel as though we are in control, or at least that we can exercise some level of influence over what happens in our lives. Of course, there are always limits to our ability to control the events and circumstances we face. Yet, decades of research show that we are happier, healthier, and more productive when we feel as though we have some control over what is happening to us. Unfortunately, over the past months we have endured the pandemic, teaching and learning disruptions, a stressed economy, political turbulence, and other forces that have left us feeling bewildered. So much of what we have experienced feels beyond our personal control. It has confined us, disrupted our routines, separated us from loved ones, and created uncertainty in our lives and futures. In short, it has left us feeling more stressed and less in control. Yet, as difficult as the past year has been, it pales in comparison to what some people in the past have had to endure. Consider Nelson Mandela, who endured years in a South African prison. Still, he emerged from prison to lead a national movement and eventually become president of the same country that imprisoned him. Viktor Frankl spent years enduring horrible conditions in a German concentration camp. He not only survived, he used the experience to inform his philosophy and writing about the importance of purpose and hope. Frankl became a powerful international voice that influenced thinking on resilience and life success. During times when they outwardly appeared to be at the mercy of others, Mandela and Frankl maintained a sense of control in their lives that readied them for what came next. Despite their experiences and circumstances, both men claimed their personal purpose and had significant positive impacts on the world. What can we learn from the experiences of these two people and others like them? We all have the ability to exercise some level of control, regardless of our circumstances. The question is: How can we claim our strength and use it during times like these? Here are five powerful and controllable strategies you can employ right now. Perspective Where we choose to focus our attention and energy matters. We can focus on what we can control rather than being preoccupied by circumstances we cannot. Remarkably, the same set of circumstances can feature both elements beyond our reach and elements over which we can exercise control. We can fret over what we cannot control, or claim control where it is available. The perspective we choose can make a significant difference, even within the same set of limits and opportunities. For example, we might focus energy on organizing our space rather than mourning having to work from home. We can schedule our day rather than allowing the day to aimlessly unfold. Purpose When we set goals, embrace our aspirations, and focus on what is important to us, we gain a sense of control. When our purpose extends to serving, helping, or supporting others or a cause greater than ourselves, our feelings of control and sense of purpose become even more powerful. Clarify and act on what has meaning and purpose for you and a feeling of control will follow. Patience Having patience can be a challenge in uncertain circumstances. Yet, patience can help us to remain engaged even when progress does not come as quickly as we would like. Setting deadlines for the end of negative circumstances over which you have no control can work against feelings of power and hope. Focusing on an outcome without setting rigid timelines usually is a better strategy. General Stockdale, a Vietnam prisoner of war, recounts that captives who focused on surviving until they were freed, regardless of when it might happen, were more likely to survive than prisoners who set deadlines for when they believed they would be freed, only to have the dates come and go without release. Proactivity Choosing to do what you can, even when you cannot control every aspect of a task or challenge can be empowering. Waiting to react often reduces available options. Being proactive even in difficult circumstances can increase confidence and help us to prepare for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, avoidance of difficult or uncomfortable actions can undermine our confidence and increase stress. Find something you can do now and act. Create some momentum for what lies ahead. Persistence Times of difficulty and challenge can tempt us to give up and abandon our hopes and goals. We can make excuses that the time was not right or the stretch was too great. Yet, the greatest opportunities often surface when we choose to act and refuse to give up on what is important to us. Disruption is often a path to opportunity, but only if we are willing to persist until we find the answers we need. We cannot always control what happens to us or limits our ability to determine what happens around us, but we can always control how we respond. We can feel helpless and out of control, or we can choose where to focus, how to think, and what to do to reclaim control in our lives.

January 18, 2021

A Last Look Over Our Shoulders At 2020

Most of us are happy to put 2020 behind us and move forward with hopes for a better year. Yet, the pandemic still rages, vaccines are slow to roll out, many families still struggle, challenges of remote learning remain, and other issues that we found difficult in the past year are following us into the new year. So, before we put 2020 behind us, perhaps we should look back over our shoulders and take stock of what we’ve learned, what we acquired that we want to make sure we keep, and what we definitely want to let go of. In reality, not everything about 2020 was bad. Here are some of the positive things many of us experienced: Slowing down. For a large number of people, the pace of life slowed dramatically. Not commuting to a job every day and the narrowing of entertainment choices like travel, restaurants, concerts, sporting events, and movies gave many the perspective that we don’t have to be doing something all the time. Families ate together more frequently at home, not having to race to get their children to a myriad of practices and games. For many, the idea of “quality” time became a reality. Gratitude. Struggle and tragedy taught us to be grateful for simple things and the truly important things that we may have taken for granted. For instance, our friends and family members. Our pandemic friends (the safe “pods” we created to keep ourselves sane) will surely be lifelong friends and may become a part of our extended family. These are the people who helped to get us through—and are still helping us, and we them. Giving back. We became more aware of the gaping needs in people’s lives and that it takes a village to meet them. Not only did we understand more acutely the needs of those facing economic and food insecurity, but also people facing great loneliness and loss. Where we had the opportunity to give back, we did, and at the same time helped to sooth our own feelings of loneliness and loss—realizing at the same time, giving back is the surest way to do so. Accentuation of talents and roles. Whether it was the teacher who taught our children, the delivery person who brought our packages, or the grocery store clerk who cleaned our cart and provided a safe environment in which to shop—we became much more aware of the importance of everyone who kept things going so we could keep going. We also had the opportunity to see new talents surface in those closest to us, perhaps because they were needed in new ways, or simply because we had more time to observe them. Yet, there are definitely things we will want to try to leave behind as we put our toes in the water of 2021. Here are just a few: Fear. No doubt COVID-19 made most of us fearful at some point—for our health and the health of our loved ones, as well as our economic security. And while concern is always warranted, we should allow ourselves to let go of the type of fear that is crippling. We have made it this far, and that’s progress. There are many hopeful things on the horizon including vaccinations for all who will take them. The economy is sure to rebound as a result—and with it, there will be increased opportunities for all. Divisiveness. Ironically, COVID-19 was the great equalizer—in that it reminded us all of the frailty of being a human. In truth, if we take a hard look, there is more that we have in common with our fellow humans than things we don’t. We have also become aware that little has been accomplished by feeding the fires of division. In the coming year it would be wise to listen more, judge less, and try to increase our understanding of one another. A dubious relationship with the truth. Our trust in what is true and the sources we rely on to provide it may be the biggest and most serious casualty of the last year. We need to remind ourselves, and our students, how important it is to be seekers of the facts—even when they are not what we expect or want to hear. The truth and being able to trust in those who relay it are foundational to everything we do. Without it we have nothing. Take some time to contemplate these hindsight reflections and add your own. It’s vital that we go into 2021 acknowledging the wisdom we have gained from 2020. We learned more than we realize. And with the right reflection, we will have gained much more than we lost.

January 11, 2021

Discerning Fact From Fiction

Increasingly, we find ourselves in discussions where the people conversing don’t believe they need evidence to back up their statements—or they use one example of evidence to try to make a blanket case for all situations. In other instances, when there is solid evidence that counters their point of view, some people simply choose not to accept the evidence or they claim to mistrust the information altogether. It is baffling and concerning for everyone involved. After all, if there is no truth, what do we have? Mathematicians, those in the legal profession, scientists, and historians have been using their own standards for defining truth for centuries. And there is much we can learn from these disciplines ourselves, and teach our students, about how to discern truth from fiction and how to use critical thinking rather than mere emotion to frame our thinking. Mathematicians start from a base of assumptions that are universally believed to be true. For instance, 1+1=2 and no one disputes this absolute truth. There is nothing fuzzy about this conclusion. According to award-winning and longtime math educator John Benson, “The only way one can doubt a theorem is to find fault with its proof.” The field of law has a much less exact basis for arriving at the truth, but still has merit for our own search for the truth. Legal professionals and scholars use preponderance of the evidence, clear and convincing evidence, and guilt beyond a reasonable doubt as their measures. The concept of evidence is critical in a court of law. Without it, there is no case. There are only accusers and the accused. In addition to evidence, lawyers and judges use the decisions made in prior cases to build a new case for a new circumstance. In other words, they use the wisdom of others who have wrestled with the truth in a similar situation to come to the best conclusion. In the field of science, observations and data provide the evidence from which conclusions can be drawn. If there is no data, there is no science. Historians, too, accumulate data—but in a different way. To them, it’s not only important what happened in history, but also who gathered and reported the information and why. As an example, Native Americans would tell the story of the settling of America differently than the European settlers who ultimately prevailed. Many of the facts might intersect, but the stories behind those facts and the emotions about those stories would differ vastly. So, what conclusion can we draw from these disciplines to sharpen our own thinking about what is true? Here are some questions we can ask ourselves and our students to keep both on track, and avoid engaging in sloppy thinking:

What is the evidence that something is true?
Is there a preponderance of evidence and is it clear and convincing?
What data can you bring forth to substantiate your claims?
Who supplied the data and is it from a credible, unbiased source?
Is there anything that would cast doubt on the data, and if so, is there enough doubt to claim something held to be true is not true?
What wisdom from experts who have grappled with similar issues can you bring to bear on the current issue you are arguing?
Do you have an emotional bias that might keep you from exploring the truth beyond a reasonable doubt?

As educators we have a responsibility to ourselves, our students, and our society to teach critical thinking skills. Certainly, the world our students are living in today and will be living in tomorrow commands it of them. As our world becomes even more complex and information even more accessible, being able to discern fact from fiction will become a necessary survival skill. Let’s make certain they have the know-how and the practice to do so. Research: Herrmann, Z. (2017, May 10). Finding what’s true: A cross-disciplinary search for truth—and the critical thinking skills students need in order to assess it. Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/uk/blog/finding-whats-true

January 04, 2021

Six “Prescriptions” for Maintaining Your Emotional Health – Even Now

One of the most challenging aspects of surviving the pandemic has been to protect our mental health and feelings of well-being. We may be separated from family and unable to be with loved ones regularly. We may be working from home and unable to see and engage with colleagues and coworkers in person. Many activities we took for granted prior to the pandemic may now seem too risky. Further, even with the prospect that vaccines will be available at some point, it will still be some time before they become available to us all. All of these factors can combine to tax our emotional reserves and leave us feeling empty and deflated. This condition is often experienced in symptoms such as frequent periods of tiredness, feelings of separation or loneliness, and episodes of frustration and disappointment. The symptoms may be mild or more intense, but they can be signs that our emotional reserves need to be replenished. Of course, when the pandemic is over and the danger of the virus has passed, some of the causes will disappear. However, the need to remain attentive to the state of our emotional well-being will remain important. Fortunately, there are a number of actions we can take to ensure our emotional reserves remain at a comfortable level whether we are facing unusual challenges or just wanting to feel connected and emotionally healthy. We might think of these as “prescriptions” we can follow to maintain a healthy emotional state. Follow these suggestions and you will be amazed at how well your emotions respond.

At least once this week and every week after, do something for someone without being asked or expected. Even better, do something the person can’t do or would have difficulty doing themselves. Focus on how good you are feeling afterward, not on whether you have been thanked. Repeat weekly as needed.
Spend at least a half-hour of quality time with someone close to you. Family members, close friends, and neighbors are good options. Just be sure to be fully present and engaged. The time of day when you engage in this activity is less important than its regularity. Repeat daily, if possible.
Each day for the next week, identify at least one important aspect of your life for which you are grateful. Take time to reflect on its importance and how your life would be without it. By the end of the week, you will have the beginning of a habit. Continue regularly for best results.
Set aside time on at least three days this week to take a walk or drive to an area that you enjoy and gives you peace. It matters less that you experience the same place or explore new areas than whether you focus on and appreciate the experience. Repeat this activity regularly for best results.
Initiate a connection with at least one new person or neglected acquaintance this week. The connection may be virtual or in person. At first, this activity may require some discipline to engage with more people around you. Just be alert to possibilities. Give preference to people you find interesting and pleasant to engage. Repeating weekly will ensure a large and interesting group of people with whom you enjoy connecting.
At least once this week take some time to formulate a plan to do something you will look forward to. It might be something you can do during the pandemic, or an activity or trip in which you might engage once COVID is behind us. Next week, add details to or expand the plan, or you might begin construction of another plan. Before you know it, you will have more to look forward to than you can yet imagine.

It may seem as though doing all of these prescriptions would result in overload. Still, the more you follow these prescriptions, the better you will feel. In reality, you will likely find that they are more fulfilling than they will be overloading and finding time will be less of a challenge than you think. On the other hand, engaging in all of these activities will leave less time to feel lonely, discouraged, and frustrated.

December 28, 2020

Where Can We Find Peace?

This is a time of year when we often hear the word “peace.” Some think of peace as a symbol of the holiday season. For many of us, peace is a word used to express our hope for the future. Peace is an idea with multiple meanings. Yet, across our nation and around the world, it is the hope driving much of what we search for in life. For those who are experiencing conflict, even war, peace might symbolize a world without violence and a commitment to settle differences and build understanding without resorting to destructive conflict. Peace might represent a nation that has rediscovered what binds us together and the important interests we share. Peace also can be found in a family without constant conflict, where relationships are stronger than self-interests and winning. Peace might represent life balance in which physical, emotional, and spiritual elements are in harmony. Peace might also come through the realization that we are nurturing important skills and a love of learning among our students that will open the doors to a successful and satisfying future. Of course, peace in any of these contexts is not easy to achieve, but it is more than worth the effort. At times, finding peace means making a greater commitment and searching more intensely. At other times, finding peace means letting go and accepting life as we experience it. Others rarely can tell us what we must do and what choices we should make. The answer to where and how to find peace lies within each of us. We must look inward to discover what we need. We can start by reflecting on what we value and what really matters to us. If we are to commit and persist to find peace, we need to know what we are searching for and why it is worth the pursuit. This step may sound as though it should be easy, but life has a way of interrupting and distracting us from discovering this important truth. Quiet reflection, self-honesty, and inward exploration can be useful strategies to help us. We can also think about who we value and what they mean to us. In the heat of conflict, we can forget that to achieve our most important goals we usually need others to guide, support, and even challenge us. Who are those people in your life? Do they know how much you value them? Peace is especially fulfilling when it is shared. As we think about the world beyond us we may despair, thinking that we are only one person. How can we hope to bring peace? What difference can we make? The truth is that real, lasting peace will be built by people like us who care enough to try, are committed enough to work toward it, and humble enough to share the work and credit with others. Big dreams are not necessarily more costly than small ones, but they can make a much greater difference. In this holiday season, may you find peace. Cherish it, share it, and build on it.

December 21, 2020

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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Seven Ways to Make Our Lives Joy-Filled—Now

A friend commented to me recently that “It seems as though the pandemic has taken the joy out of life.” It is true that we have faced more than our share of disappointments, stresses, and uncertainties over the past year. Yet, I was left to wonder whether the statement is true. Has the pandemic robbed us of joy or is there a better way to think about the situation that would give us more power and control? Can we find joy despite the pandemic? Might the experience of the pandemic even give us reasons to seek joy? Where might we look to discover joy despite our circumstances? With some research and time spent reflecting, a few things became clear to me. Joy is not something that originates externally. Joy comes from within. It is not driven by what happens to or around us. Joy grows out of decisions and commitments we make and priorities we set and pursue. In fact, our commitment to find and experience joy is part of what can make joy a more likely experience for us. Joy can be defined as a long-term state of peace and contentment. It can be experienced in the moment as delight, but true joy is created, nurtured, and experienced over time. Consequently, our search for joy needs to grow out of pursuits that provide more than temporary ecstasy or momentary happiness. Here are seven actions we can take to increase the joy we experience each day, week, and year, even amid a pandemic and other difficult conditions. First, we can choose to find and experience joy. The pandemic will end – soon we hope – but the end of the pandemic offers no guarantee of joy. We may experience relief, but joy is much more than removal of a burden or stress. In fact, waiting until joy finds us may mean we never experience it. Conversely, like many things in life we are most likely to find what we look for. As a second step, we can seek authenticity in our experiences. We can treasure time spent with family. We can find ways to serve and improve the lives of others. We can learn a new skill that gives us pleasure and satisfaction. Meaningful experiences ground us. They help us to appreciate life even when everything is not perfect. But we need to pay attention. Meaningful times can pass us by if we fail to reflect on and savor them. Third, we can live in the moment. Letting go of regrets from the past and choosing not to worry about aspects of the future we cannot control can free us to focus on what we are experiencing now that can bring joy and satisfaction. We can allow the burden of past missteps and mistakes to hold us back or we can let them go and focus on how we can be our best selves today. We can choose to worry about the future, but what we do today is more likely to determine our future than what we cannot know or control in the days ahead. Fourth, we can set worthy, meaningful goals that will stretch us beyond our comfort zone and lead us to take some risks, learn something new, and become more capable. Working toward important goals can give us a sense of control, invite us to measure progress, and offer a reason to celebrate our accomplishments. Achievement of meaningful goals can also lead us to reflect on our efforts with pride and experience joy. Fifth, we can nurture a sense of gratitude. The more we focus on what we have to be grateful for, the more we see the positive side of life. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we may not have to an appreciation for what life and those around us have given us. The more we practice gratitude the more we see reasons to be thankful and experience joy. Gratitude can improve our attitudes and enrich our lives. In the words of David Steindl-Rast: “It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us joyful.” Sixth, we can spend our time with positive people. We can treasure those in our family and our friends who bring a positive attitude and spirit to life. We can also seek out new friends and acquaintances who lift our perspective on life and make us better. Research and experience show that our attitudes and perspectives tend to reflect those of people with whom we choose to spend time. We need to choose people who bring us joy. Seventh, we can find reasons to laugh. Laughter is contagious. It is difficult to be somber and negative when we are laughing. We can read, watch movies, listen to stories, or engage in other activities that stimulate healthy laughter. When we laugh, our brains release endorphins that make us feel better and more joyful. Laughter also offers the additional benefits of stress release and has even been shown to improve our immune systems. The bottom line is that we all can experience joy, if we choose to seek it. The pandemic has been a difficult challenge, but it does not have to rob us of joy. We can choose to make this time joyful. It is within our power.

December 15, 2020

Embrace the Power of Acceptance

Some things in life are difficult to understand. People who have family members with severe health problems or disabilities often say that their lives are enriched and their family member is a blessing. Internationally renowned scientist, theorist, and author Stephen Hawking suffered from a debilitating neurological disease that confined him to a wheelchair and forced him to speak using a computerized voice. Yet, many consider him the greatest scientist of our time. We also hear of people who have confronted other challenges and life setbacks and have gone on to build successful careers, live fulfilling lives, and find peace with what they have experienced. In a more temporal context, this has been a challenging, stressful, and disorienting year. At times it is even difficult to clearly recall what life was like at the beginning of 2020 since so much has happened in the interim. We are living through a worldwide pandemic. The political landscape has been unusually divisive. And for a large portion of the population, economic survival has been a challenge. The list could go on. For many of us, the statement “I just want my life back.” might sound familiar. Certainly, the life we have experienced in the past year and continue to experience may not be what we would have chosen. We also do not know what the future holds and how long the current situation will last. The key question is: How should we respond? Mental health professionals point to a single action that can make a dramatic difference in our attitude and lives. It is also the secret Stephen Hawking knew and is shared by individuals and families who have lived through and with hardships. That secret is acceptance. The English Oxford Dictionary defines acceptance as a willingness to tolerate a difficult situation. We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we do not have to allow them to control or change us. Acceptance gives us the power to make choices about our path forward. The element of choice and what we do with it can be crucial to our mental health. If we allow ourselves to become resentful, disengaged, disconnected, and directionless, our situation can negatively affect our mental state and even our physical health. If we choose to accept the reality of what we face, we can free ourselves from preoccupation, disconnect from its power over us, and choose to move forward despite its presence. We can cling to behaviors, routines, and perceptions that used to work, but no longer fit our circumstances. We can resent the ways in which we now have to engage in social behavior to avoid significant health risks. We can despair with daily schedules that often must flex in response to circumstances that determine whether we are instructing students in-person or remotely. Or, we can choose another path. We can let go of “what used to be” and deal with what is. Acceptance can be a strategic response that opens options and positions us to move forward productively. We did not cause the pandemic, trigger political turmoil, or create current economic conditions. They do not have to determine who we are and what we do. Rather than allow life’s disruptions to exhaust and depress us, we can choose to find meaning, purpose, and productivity in them. Obviously, each of us has experiences unique to us and what we choose may vary. Nevertheless, there are some places and touch points where we can begin:

Take some time to inventory and become clear about areas of your life where you are struggling most. Understanding the source and focus of your frustration and disappointment may offer insights into changes you might make and actions you can take.
Commit to take control. Once you understand that your circumstances do not have to confine you, you can choose what to do.
Identify changes you might make despite the circumstances you face. Might learning a new skill, pursuing a new interest, developing a new hobby, and reconnecting with friends be places to start?
Clarify initial steps in the direction you have chosen. Schedule a time to get started. Collect the resources you will need. Invite others who might take the journey with you.
Give yourself permission to “let go” of feelings and thoughts that may hold you back or paralyze you from taking action.

Each of us will have our own path, but we all can start by experiencing the value and freeing power of acceptance.

December 07, 2020

Lessons From a Mountain Stream

This past year has presented us with challenges we might not have imagined, disruptions we could not anticipate, and lessons to learn that we might not have chosen. It has been a year of rough spots, occasional setbacks, and searching for answers and solutions. The year reminds me of a metaphor I heard several years ago. The metaphor employs a mountain brook as a reflection of how life can be. The brook bounces over rocks, races through rapids, tumbles over waterfalls, jostles through twists and turns and occasionally detours into side ponds and pools as it flows down the mountain. Yet, despite the often rough path, the mountain water is clean, cool, and sparkling fresh. If dammed up, held in place away from the brook and the jostling and hazards of the stream bed, the same water becomes stale, dark, and smelly. Ironically, it is the tumbling and jostling of the water’s path that keeps it fresh and pure. For most of us, the year has felt as though it was filled with rocks, rapids, and waterfalls. Yet, as the metaphor points out, only by allowing ourselves to risk bruising by life’s rocky stretches and surprised by hidden waterfalls can we remain fresh, flexible, and growing in our personal and professional lives. When we choose to pull back and begin to avoid the risks and opportunities that life offers, we can lose our sparkle, our focus, and our commitment to continue growing and learning. Over time we can become as stagnant and stale as a dammed-up pool of water. The past year has provided a generous serving of challenges and maybe more than our share of “opportunities.” We have endured the uncertainty of an invisible and aggressive virus and navigated through economic uncertainty and instability. We have also celebrated with students who have achieved despite the distractions and challenges they have faced. We have found ways to work together to solve complex, difficult problems, and have even begun planning for what may come next. So, how might we think about the year ahead and how might we best find our way around the next bend and down the rapids that lie ahead? First, we can remember to “stay loose.” We will experience fewer bruises if we avoid resisting too much and landing too hard. Second, we can find our “flow.” The brook has a rhythm that once found, can help us keep our balance and stay upright most of the time. Third, we need stay vigilant about what may lie ahead. The sooner we can see what is coming, the better prepared we can be. Finally, we can commit to enjoying the scenery. If we look for it, we will likely see and experience surprises, thrills, and delights beyond what we might imagine.

November 30, 2020

Choose to Have Your Best Life Now

An old man says to his grandson: “There’s a fight going on inside me. It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil—angry, greedy, jealous, arrogant, and cowardly. The other is good—peaceful, loving, modest, generous, honest, and trustworthy. These two wolves are also fighting within you, and every other person too.” After a moment, the boy asks, “Which wolf will win?” The old man smiles. “The one you feed.” Most of us can relate to this parable. Our wolves may not represent the stark contrasts of good and evil. They may more closely resemble the contrasts of being anxious, frustrated, pessimistic, and fearful—or calm, peaceful, happy, optimistic, and productive. But regardless, the wolf we choose to feed will be the truth and the reality of the world we live in. This is important, because the wolf we feed will be the one we most often communicate to our students, colleagues, friends, and family members. And our choice will shape the relationship and the influence we have on these important people in our lives. So what does “feeding” in this context mean? And what are some practical things we can do to make sure we are feeding the right wolf? Because the truth is there is really only one worth pursuing—for our own happiness and success and the happiness and success of those around us. First, we can examine what we give most of our attention to. Is it to news stories that feed our worst penchant for what is negative or sordid and conversations that promote anger and polarization? Or is our attention focused around those influences that make us feel more optimistic, happy, and productive? Second, we can make better choices about our attitude. Realistically, few people have a good attitude 100% of the time. But still, we must remember that our attitude is a choice. People who have what we would call a good attitude may not have one naturally. They choose to have one, and their continuous choice to do so then becomes a habit. Like anything else we want to conquer in life, forming the right habits takes work. So does turning our poor attitudes into better attitudes. Third, we can take a good look at who we are spending the most time with. Are our friends and associates influencing us in the ways we want to be influenced? Is their example helping us pursue the highest aspirations we have for ourselves? If not, perhaps we need to rethink these associations and choose ones who help us become our best possible selves. After all, we already know the power of associations when it comes to student achievement. Students who hang out with high achievers become higher achievers themselves. So it is with us. Fourth, we can take a hard look at what we expect. We tend to find what we are looking for. If we expect people to be basically good, we tend to find the good in people. If we expect them to be untrustworthy, we will find that too. Indeed, if we want the wolf within us to be good, peaceful, generous, and optimistic, not only will we begin to expect these things in ourselves, but we will search for and find the things in our world that confirm and support these attributes. Without doubt, there will be numerous things in our experience that will serve to counter our positive expectations. Yet, we can choose again and again to seek out real and tangible proof that the best things in life are still ahead of us. And if we do, we are highly likely to find them.

November 23, 2020

The Master Teacher Blog